Microphone Stand Fiend/Lake Washington/ Sun March 24/1:11 am: Today, Officer McGlashan and Officer McKinely were dispatched to the Lake Washington Rowing Club to investigate an assault. "When we arrived in the parking lot of the club," reports Officer McGlashan, "we were met by several individuals who were pointing at a man sitting in a car." Earlier in the evening, this pointed-at man had hit another man with a microphone stand. "Witnesses state," Officer McGlashan writes on the second page of the report, "[that the suspect] is a member of the club but tends to drink too much and make inappropriate gestures toward women at club gatherings. Tonight, [the suspect] had [as usual] been drinking and making unwanted advances and remarks to several women in the group. This caused tension, and the tension erupted into a fight. Witnesses, however, say the assault [involving the microphone stand] was unprovoked."
The pointed-at man was removed from his car, placed into the squad car, and transported to the North Precinct.
The Throwness of a Potato/Central District/Thurs April 4/10:23 pm: Tonight, a woman heard a loud crash in her kitchen. When she investigated the calamity, she found sinister glass fragments on the kitchen floor, along with what appeared to be a potato. She called the police and, upon their arrival, showed them this thing that looked like a potato. The police determined that it was indeed a potato. But that was all they could do--identify the true nature of the thing. Who threw it, and why, was another matter altogether.
The Young Fundraiser's Shoe/West Seattle/Fri April 5/5:00 pm: This report by Officer D'Ambrosio involves two characters, a 35-year-old West Seattle man and a 19-year-old woman who sells magazine subscriptions to help underprivileged teens, and is set at the home owned by the 35-year-old man. The story is this: The young woman, who was standing at the West Seattle man's front door, asked if he would help her cause. The man said "No" and slammed the door in her face. From inside his house, the parsimonious man then heard pounding on his front window. He turned and found this amazing sight: The young woman was hitting his window with her shoe. The man threatened to call the police, but the young woman continued to hit his window with her shoe. (Alas, the report fails to describe what kind of shoe she used.)
Urban Apparition/Rainier Valley/Mon April 8/12:20 pm: Officer Samson writes: "A black male, 25-30, dressed in a blue sports jersey, came from the sidewalk with a large block of cement in his hand. The cement was estimated at 80 lbs. The man was angry at the world. He walked to a car and threw the cement at the windshield. The man then turned and disappeared through the buildings."
What kind of phantom is this, that can appear from a sidewalk and disappear through buildings?
