News

Police Beat

by Charles Mudede

This Alien Thing/Madison Park/Mon Aug 18/12:24 pm: Officer D. Bolton writes: "I was working on patrol when a citizen waved me down and stated he had used the portable toilet in the alley west of McGilvra Blvd and noticed a suspicious item in it. I located the portable toilet and observed one silver-colored cylindrical item on the floor inside the unit. I saw that the item had apparently been lit and had burned the inside wall of the unit. I cleared the area of citizens and met with Sgt. Lamat at the scene. Detectives Lewitt and Hansen responded to the scene and recovered the item from the unit. I contacted the property owner where the portable toilet was stationed, and he stated that he had not seen anything suspicious in the area. I contacted the construction workers in the alley that use the portable toilet and they stated that they saw nothing suspicious while they were there working. The silver-colored cylindrical item, which was approximately five inches in length and one inch in diameter, was recovered by Detective Lewitt for further examination."

Half of an Artificial Orphan/Crown Hill/Tues July 22/Between 10:32 pm and 8 am: On the listed date, Officer Kennedy responded to investigate suspicious activity that occurred at the Cinquegranelli Montessori School. The victim explained to him that she had left the school secured last evening, but upon returning this morning discovered "the lower half of a clothed child-mannequin display on the south side of the building." Officer Kennedy handed the victim an incident number, packaged "the lower half of a clothed child-mannequin," and filled out an evidence submission report.

Sandalized/Sand Point/Tues July 22/8:55 pm: When Officer Howard and his partner arrived at the Sand Point residence in response to a disturbance call made by an anonymous neighbor, they made contact with the victim and suspect. The suspect was, to put it in police terms, "romantically involved" with the victim. Officer Howard writes: "The victim explained to us that the suspect had struck him numerous times over the head with a sandal. The suspect denied assaulting the victim. The suspect and victim continued to argue in our presence. The suspect was arrested and booked into King County Jail. Sgt. Jones screened the arrest. The victim was uncooperative and declined to provide a statement."

The Doomed Are Not Yet Born/Ballard/Tues July 22/3:41 pm: Due to the omission of several pieces of significant information in this report authored by a rather clumsy Officer Morgan, I was unable to determine whether the brawl involving a pregnant woman, her brother, her lover, and her sister engaged broomsticks ("we were dispatched to a disturbance that involved people hitting each other with broomsticks") or a rake ("the [lover] punched [the brother] in the side of the head while [the brother] hit [the lover] with a rake"). The pregnant woman, who was hit in the stomach and shins, was not, according to her own conclusions, seriously hurt. The same may not be true for her unborn child.