News

Police Beat

by Charles Mudede

The End of a World/Pioneer Square/Fri Dec 31/4:00 pm: On the very day Pioneer Square celebrated its entrance into the 21st century, a teenager was shot in the belly by a man wearing a black knit cap. The events leading to this crime are unclear (everyone's got a version, from shop owners to tourists from San Diego). But the victim tells it this way: He and his friends were forced into the lower level of the triangular parking garage between Yesler and James (known as the "sinking ship") by a robber. The robber then demanded money from the teen and his mates, but the teen refused to pay, and pushed the robber in the chest "just to let him know." The robber then drew a gun and shot the defiant teen in the lower abdomen; a spent, copper-colored .380 shell casing chimed on the greasy cement. Two witnesses immediately fled the sinking garage, and the dying teen stumbled out into the street, where Officer Sharp saw him staggering across James Street, toward the cobbled stones of Pioneer Square. The paramedics were called in to treat his serious wound, loaded him into an ambulance, and rushed him to the hospital. Black birds swirled in the growing twilight; the end of the day, the century, the millennium, and possibly the teen's short life. Nothing in our turning world(s) can explain the meaning of this terrible report.

The Last Millennium/Wedgwood/Fri Dec 31/11:26 pm: Just 34 minutes before the new millennium kicked in, a woman in Wedgwood was pronounced dead by Seattle Fire Department medics. They had done their best to save her life; they talked to her and performed CPR, but nothing could revive her heart.

Mid Evil/Gas Works Park/Fri Dec 31/11:45 pm: Fifteen minutes before the new millennium, a worried man approached an Officer Babcock (the "SPD on view" at the park), and directed him toward a man with a medieval (which Babcock eschatologically spelled "medi evil") sword. The park was dark and filled with over 1,000 civilians awaiting the city's fireworks display to light up the dead sky, but Officer Babcock managed to pick out the gothic suspect. He was taken into custody without incident. When interrogated by Officer Clark about his "medi evil" sword, the man said it was just a "conversation piece." Apparently the man was shy, and so employed this rather extreme tactic in order to meet new people.

Them Fireworks/Queen Anne/Fri Dec 31/Midnight: At the moment the new millennium arrived in the Pacific Northwest, a man who had not left his house since February 1999 rushed outside, suspecting the world had come to end. He had been cooped up in his home for 10 months, and had not spoken to anyone in two months. But when he heard the fireworks going off at 12:00, he got scared and had to come outside to take a look. His neighbors and family were unsettled by his demonic screaming and yelling.

The next morning, on Jan 1, 2000, the recluse showed up at his father's home and accused him of trying to "control him." (The report does not explain how this thorny meeting between father and son is related to his screaming at millennial fireworks the night before.) He told his father to stop "controlling him," or he would take his father "out" with a sharp knife. His father called the police. Later that day, as the author of this column was recovering from too much champagne (I have Eric Fredericksen to blame for this!), the police subjected this 20th-century casualty to a 21st-century psychiatric evaluation at Harborview Medical Clinic.