A Beanie Baby Story/Ballard/Sat Jan 1/3:25 pm: A woman called the police to report that her live-in boyfriend was frustrated and drinking heavily. She said that though he did not make any verbal threats or attempt to hit her, he did throw two telephone books against the wall and cut a Beanie Baby in half with a kitchen knife. Shocked by this final (and possibly symbolic) deed, she ordered him to leave, and he eventually did. The good news is that no one was hurt, and killing a Beanie Baby is not a crime (at least in this state). Indeed, if more domestic disputes ended this way -- with the man or woman cutting a Beanie Baby in half -- this would be a much happier world!
A Happy Ending/University District/Fri Jan 7/9:54 pm: At the listed date and time, Officer J. Dittoe was on routine patrol in the area of NE 45th and Mary Gates Memorial Dr, when he noticed a vehicle on NE 45th that had three occupants in the rear seat who appeared to have white hoods over their heads. Officer Dittoe feared the worst: Were the three blindfolded individuals in danger? Were they kidnapped? Were they soon to be the victims of a gangland-style execution? Worried Dittoe fell behind the mysterious vehicle as it turned southbound on to Mary Gates Memorial Dr from 45th.
After following the car for some time, Officer Dittoe decided he needed more gun power, so he radioed for backup. Just then, the car pulled into the QFC parking lot at University Village and stopped. Dittoe activated his emergency lights, ordered the front passengers out of the car, and had them sit in his patrol car to control them. As he approached their car, he noted the rear passengers were no longer blindfolded, and their hands were free. All three were dressed in heavy coats, and had backpacks on their laps, as though planning to go on a hike. "What the hell is going on?" asked the confused Dittoe. They responded that they were going to a "party," and that the others "didn't want us to know where we were going." Dittoe was then informed that this was not a kidnapping at all, but part of some elaborate fraternity ritual which he and his wild, cinematic imagination had just spoiled. Clearly the three individuals were not in any danger, and once the damn cop left them alone they could resume their cool ritual.
Happy to Be Still Alive/Downtown/Sun Jan 9/2:34 am: A man, Paul, was outside his apartment smoking a cigarette when he saw someone inside the laundromat across the street banging on something. Hurrying to the laundromat, he told the stranger to leave the business at once. The man left, and walked southbound on Terry. But when the stranger got to the corner of Terry and Jefferson, he suddenly turned, pulled out a gun, and took three shots at Paul. Amazingly, Paul was not hit, and lived to tell his amazing story to Officer Owens and Sgt. Mason.