Beauty School Drop-Out/University District/Thurs March 16/5:00 pm: The director of a beauty academy called to tell Officer D. S. Witmer that one of her students threatened to "blow up the school if she was kicked out." Apparently, the student does not have what it takes to become a beautician. She's got the dream but not the drive, so now it's time for her to know the score. When Officer Witmer contacted the failing beauty student on the phone, she told him that she was only joking when she made the threat. "I was just upset about the rumors that have been generated throughout the school," she explained rather lamely. The beauty school was advised to file an order of protection, which would ban the student from ever calling or visiting the place that killed all her big dreams.

The Wet Penis/West Seattle/Fri March 17/12:03 pm: A West Seattle woman reported to Officer Griesheimer that while she was unloading groceries from her car, a strange man suddenly appeared in her yard. The man had dark hair with highlights on the top, and wore a white nylon shirt and running shorts. Without saying a word, the man opened the water bottle he was carrying and poured water down the front of his shorts, causing his penis to show through the white cloth. Shocked, the woman walked into her house to call 911, but by the time she got to the phone he was gone. An area search didn't turn up the unstylish freak.

That Damn Dog/Capitol Hill/Sun March 19/4:20 pm: "On this listed time," reports Officer Radford, "a suspect [who] had a dog on a leash exited the [Safeway on Broadway]. The suspect told me that the dog was a service [dog], so he could take it into the store as often as he wanted. I then told the suspect that I did not believe that to be true, and I entered the store. As I entered the store, I turned to look behind me and saw that the suspect had followed me in. I told the suspect that he could not bring the [damn] dog into the store if the dog was not in service. The suspect then stated that the dog had a service tag, and that was all the information he was required to give. I then asked the suspect how the dog was being used as a service. I could see that there were no visible disabilities on the suspect. The suspect told me that he was only required to show me the dog's tags, and stated that I needed to learn the law. I then went to the coffee dispenser. As I returned to the cashier, I saw the suspect was standing there. He demanded my name. His request was granted and I paid for the coffee and attempted to leave. The suspect confronted me and began to tell me that I needed to learn the law. At that point I told the suspect that he needed to leave the store, and he refused, stating that he did not have to leave. [So I grabbed] the suspect's left wrist to place my handcuffs on him. He twisted it, causing the teeth of the cuffs to cut my left thumb. I then told the suspect that he needed to stop twisting, and to place his hands behind his back. He stated that he could not get his hands behind himself. He was arrested with his hands cuffed in front of him.

"I went back into the store in order to get witness information. I was told by the witnesses that the suspect was a regular customer of the store. I was told that the suspect was confrontational each time he entered the store, and that he always had his [damn] dog with him. I was told that at one time the dog threw up, and the suspect, seeing the throw-up, left without attempting to clean it up or notify a store employee. He was transported to the East [Precinct]. He was interviewed and released. The incident was screened by Sgt. Abe."