Rubbing Shoulders/Downtown/Fri May 19/9:00 pm: Tonight, a woman was standing next to a man and his four-year-old daughter in an elevator (though the report does not say the daughter had big eyes and was holding a raggedy doll in her left hand while sucking her right-hand thumb, I expect readers to picture her thus). When the elevator arrived at the woman's floor, the man, who happened to be her neighbor, offered to carry her groceries to her apartment. She accepted the offer. Once inside her apartment, he offered to give her a massage, since she had mentioned many times before that she was a dancer and that her muscles always ached. The woman accepted this kind offer also. The man stood behind her and began rubbing her shoulders while his daughter (big eyes, doll in hand, and still sucking her thumb) stood nearby. While he relaxed her tense muscles, the woman began talking to her mother, who was in one of the apartment's bedrooms. (Because the report fails to describe this mother in the bedroom, we must use our imaginations! Let's say she was in bed, sick with something mild, like a stomachache from eating rich Mexican food.) After working the soreness out of the woman's shoulders, the man impulsively grasped his neighbor's breasts. The woman gasped! He made "skin to skin" contact, as she was not wearing a bra that day. He then tried to kiss her, but she pushed him away. He relented and despondently left the apartment with his four-year-old daughter (and her doll). As there were no witnesses to this crime, except (the big eyes of) the girl, Officer Kim could only give the woman a case number.

Rubbing Legs/ Queen Anne/ Thurs May 25/ 12:34 pm: A student of a local church-affiliated university made this report to Officer J. C. Pirak. She was showering in the gym when she accidentally cut her foot while shaving her legs. The bleeding made her dizzy, so she wrapped a towel around herself and went to the physical therapy office for treatment. There she was met by the head trainer for the university. The head trainer instructed her to lie on a table and began to methodically treat her injured foot. He started by rubbing his hands over her leg, then moved to her upper thigh, and then reached under her towel and began rubbing her "genital area." He then pulled down her towel (exposing her breasts) and casually dressed her wound. Later that afternoon, the student called the cops, told them the story, and the methodical head trainer was arrested and booked into King County Jail for "investigation of indecent liberties."

Masturbating with a Grande Mocha/Northgate/Sat May 27/10:30 am: This morning, a man pulled up to an espresso stand on Northgate Way and ordered a grande mocha. When the woman working the stand reached over to hand him the drink, she noticed that the man was naked from the waist down. The woman also noticed, on closer inspection, that the man was masturbating with his right hand as he reached for his grande mocha with his left. The man got his mocha, began to drink it, and drove off.

The Bait/Rainier Beach/Sun May 28/Noon: An 11-year-old boy was fishing at a boat moorage on Rainier Ave S when a man with no clothes on and bait in his right hand emerged from his boat and headed over. The naked man asked the boy if he would like try his bait. The boy said he did not wish to, and felt embarrassed by the man's nudity. The naked man then returned to his boat with his fresh bait. Later that day, the boy was riding his bike near the docks when the naked man came out of his boat again. This time he had cash in one hand and was giving the boy a "thumbs up" with his other hand. The naked man stood on the end of his boat for approximately 30 minutes, repeating this ridiculous gesture in broad daylight. The boy cycled home and told his father, who called the police. The police then contacted the naked boater. Though he denied making sexual advances toward the boy, he promised that he'd have no more contact with the children who played around his boat.