The wife and husband are trying to work things out, to return to the early, happy days when kisses easily sprang from their lips. They're going through therapy, exploring alternatives, but nothing seems to work. And at times like this morning, when both awake from brilliant dreams only to find the hard reality of their marriage lying next to them, a bitter fight is just around the corner.
As always, the fight took place in the kitchen. The grubby wife (cigarette on her lips) asked her grubby husband (saliva caked on his lips) a question about breakfast, and his haughty response infinitely irritated her. Then, without a thought, she threw the remaining coffee in her cup at the face she once loved. The humiliated husband stood up and called the cops. The cops listened to the sad story of their marriage, gave them an incident number, and left.
Coffee Habits of Human Hunter/Downtown/Fri April 13/ 9:30 am: A few months ago, a Starbucks employee struck up a conversation with a strange man who visited the cafe regularly. Somehow, their talk turned to the subject of hunting. The regular explained that he liked to hunt with a shotgun that was magazine-fed and held 12 rounds. The employee was surprised by this and asked the regular what he hunted with a shotgun like that. The regular stated, "People," and continued to drink his coffee. The employee was not sure if the man was joking, and returned to work.
Today, the man came in and began asking about the Trade Center. He asked if the employee knew where it was located and if it was the only one in the Seattle area. The employee answered "no" to all these questions and handed the regular his order. The man then walked over to the condiments, poured half-and-half into his cup, and left the store. The concerned employee called the cops; the cops arrived, listened to the employee's story, gave her an incident number, and left.
The Barista's Beautiful Braids/Downtown/Tues April 17/ 5:30 pm: This afternoon, an emotional employee of Tully's told the police that she was robbed by a woman who liked her braids. The suspect, who wore a blue tracksuit, walked up to the counter and said she liked the employee's braids. The employee thanked her for the compliment. The woman then pulled out a serrated steak knife and demanded money. The employee gave her the money, and the woman ran out of the store. The employee is now convinced that the robber's comment about her braids was completely insincere and made for the sole purpose of relaxing her guard.
Coffee Table Mama/Northgate/Sat April 21/11:30 pm: Near the hour of the dead, a young male got into an argument with his drunken mother. The dispute turned physical. They began to push each other. The son then pushed his mother hard, and she fell backwards onto a coffee table, which broke under her weight. The dazed mother picked up a leg of the coffee table and went after her son. At this point things turned really ugly, and Police Beat doesn't have the guts to describe the horrific climax. But we will say that the young man and his mother will never forget that coffee table for the rest of their lives.
