From the Dec 6 – Dec 12, 2001 issue

News

Police Beat

by Charles Mudede

The Gentleman Is a Pussy/Ballard/Fri Nov 23/11:45 pm: A fight broke out at the Sunset Bowl, a Ballard bowling alley. Officer C. T. Davidson was dispatched to the bowling alley to sort out the disturbance. After interviewing the involved parties, he determined that an altercation began when a "drinking contest" between a Seattle man and a Kenmore man turned ugly. The Seattle man accused the Kenmore man of taking the prize ($1) without winning the contest. Insulted, the Kenmore man called the Seattle man a pussy. The Seattle man then recommended, in the manner of a gentleman who doesn't want the fairer sex to see the harsher side of the male condition, that they "step outside." Before they did so, the Seattle man "invaded [the Kenmore man's] comfort zone by getting into his face." The Seattle man was bigger than the Kenmore man, so to even things up the Kenmore man grabbed a glass from a table and savagely hit the bigger man on the head with it. The breaking of the glass broke the spell of the argument. Activity at the Sunset was suspended until Officer Davidson arrived and concluded that both men's reasoning was severely impaired by alcohol.

The Gentleman With Cauliflower Ears/Ballard/Sat Nov 24/2:00 am: Another threat was made at the Sunset Bowl. The suspect in this incident was a man of muscular build, with cauliflower ears. The victim was his bartender. The trouble began when, at 1:50 a.m., the bartender began gathering leftover alcohol from vacated tables. When he removed the suspect's beer from his table (he was bowling at the time), the suspect became upset because he hadn't finished drinking. The suspect said some mean things to his bartender. The bartender ordered the suspect to leave the premises. The suspect and his friends started to leave, but just before exiting, the suspect demanded his admittance money back. This request was flatly denied. "Let's take it outside," said the gentleman with the cauliflower ears to his bartender. The bartender declined the civilized offer. The gentleman's friends convinced him to drop the miserable matter, and he finally left the bowling alley.

The Eternal Report/Rainier Valley/Sun Nov 25/12:38 am: A man who claims to be a "Reverend" said a gentleman in "a black tuxedo" told him to stop "washing dishes" and leave "the church" or there would be trouble. The "Reverend" said that other "church members" saw that he had scars on his legs from the shackles he wore during the war. The "Reverend" did not explain to the reporting officer, S. D. Slaughter, what any of this meant. The "Reverend" also said a ghostly white SUV followed him as he left the darkening church. He said "a traffic blockade" was set up at Rainier Ave S and S Othello St. He said, "There must have been 16-20 cars blocking the street. They're an easy target for snipers." He said a suspicious church member slipped him a tampered cigarette during "the service." He said the gentleman in the black tuxedo was the "unknown." He did not explain to the reporting officer, S. D. Slaughter, what any of this meant.

A Final Word of Advice to a Pussy-Whipped Killer/Skyway/ Mon Nov 26/12:00 noon: This is the end of a letter written by a gangster who lives in Bremerton: "You know the funniest part about it is you nigga's are pussy whipped by some beat, I mean beat ass pussy. The cold part about it is the pussy that beat me is gangstress, and keeps me being such the hard core gangster, heavyweight fixture in the game that I am. So my suggestion to you is use your head and stop acting like a mule. You take it easy while you can killer. Always from the player that believes in (N)othing ©ounts but (D)ollaz & (P)ussy. Sincerely, The Real."