The Circumstances of Pleasure/Downtown/ Sat Jan 26/2:30 pm: Indefatigable Vice Detective Umporowicz (even his name has a moral ring about it) writes: "Around 2:30, [vice detectives] were conducting an inspection of [an] Adult Entertainment Club. Two males and a female walked out of the men's restroom. The three walked down the stairs and outside of the premises. There was a used condom on the floor of the restroom." And that, ladies and gentlemen, was his entire report, which was classified under "Suspicious Circumstances."

The Wild Wild West Seattle/West Seattle/Sun Jan 27/12:50 pm: Shortly after midnight, a fight broke out in the middle of a packed, multi-racial party in a West Seattle home. The multi-racial fight (it involved Asians, Hispanics, whites, blacks) spilled outside and, with blows and snarls, continued in the front yard. One person at the center of the turbulence (described as a Hispanic male) broke out of the fight, walked to his car (a black Honda Accord), retrieved a black handgun from the repurposed glove compartment (now a gun compartment), and returned to the fracas. Several other Hispanic males attempted to stop the man with the truth in his hand; they tried to talk him out of murder. But the gunman was determined to finalize the matter. Indeed, death is our only conclusion. He pushed past his friends, walked up to his enemy (a 19-year-old African American male), and fired several rounds into his black body. The Hispanic suspect then fled the scene. After the SPD and SFD arrived, the black victim was transported to Harborview Medical Center, where he was pronounced dead.

Six Hours/Wallingford/Mon Jan 28/12:41 pm: This afternoon, a woman called her friend to congratulate him on his 47th birthday. She asked her friend how he was feeling. He told her that he was not well, and was depressed. She, still optimistic, asked if she could visit and cheer him up. He said, "You don't want to know what I have done." "What did you do?" she asked. He didn't respond. She became concerned and rushed to his house. When she arrived at her friend's house, she found him sitting on the living room floor "wearing a bloody sweatshirt." He calmly told her that he had shot himself, which he now thought was a stupid thing to have done, especially on his birthday. He also told her that he had shot himself six hours ago. She wanted to call 911, but he was holding the phone. "We need to call for help," she implored, but her friend refused to hand her the phone. After 30 minutes, her bleeding birthday friend relented and handed her the phone.

When Officer Pine arrived at the scene, medics were treating the suspect/victim. "The man had two gunshot wounds in his chest," reports Officer Pine, "yet he was conscious."