Here we go! Like I said last week, I'm gonna go down the list of the 2009 AVN winners and review 'em. I taped the list to the wall, threw a dart, and, I'll be damned, it landed squarely on "Best All-Girl 3-Way Sex Scene"—Belladonna's Girl Train.

Okay, no it didn't. I'm lying. I was just dying to see this one.

Girl Train is the first in a brand-new series from "the dirtiest girl in porn" Michelle Sinclair, better known as Belladonna. Bella is a pro-sex, pro-female BADASS. It's no surprise that some of the big-big-biggest new names in porn decided to get on the girl train with her. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but Joanna Angel, Kimberly Kane, Sasha Grey, Aiden Starr, Brianna Love, and Dana DeArmond are pretty much the red-HOTTEST right now. (Sorry, Jenna Jameson. It's time for you to sit back, eat a sandwich, and relax. Be proud of the road you paved for these girls—these crazy, crazy girls who are now barreling down that very same road.) All six of these women have taken the classic mold of a female porn star and smashed it to bits. They're strong, unapologetic, and believable. Oh, and most importantly, they know how to do things that will make your eyeballs roll around in your head. There's a reason this shit costs almost 30 bucks per DVD.

Everything Belladonna touches is exponentially hotter than ANYTHING you'll ever find on Xtube or YouPorn. It's like comparing a McDonald's hamburger and a Kobe steak, or a mason jar fulla moonshine and a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue.

I've seen Girl Train classified as both a hetero and a lesbian title. One of my lesbian friends says she has to fast-forward through some scenes in another Belladonna film I gave her for her birthday because it's just too much. I'm sure Girl Train will deliver much of the same (um, can you say Barbie leg?). But not being able to watch certain scenes the first few times around is what really makes a DVD worth buying. And Belladonna consistently raises the bar with every film. She shows you things you'd never think a woman's body would be capable of doing—things that you might even dare try one day with someone. And holy shit, if you can successfully pull off a Belladonna move, EVVV-REE-BODY wins.