· Do you write with a pencil or pen?
· When your book is in the remainder bin, how do you think that will make you feel?
· Did you mean for your author photo to make you look incredibly gay?
· Do you feel like a rock star right now?
· Do you really expect us to believe your life is that interesting?
· Did you read my online review of your book on Amazon.com? Did you agree with it?
· How much was your advance?
· My son is an aspiring writer--would you mind reading some of his stuff?
· I am an aspiring writer--would you mind reading some of my stuff?
· Why won't those assholes at the New Yorker publish my short story?
· What makes you so special?
· I haven't read your book, but I think...
· What actor/actress did you have in mind when you were writing the main character?
· Have you ever thought about writing a story about...
· How do you get an agent?
· Have you ever read (A) Finnegan's Wake, (B) Remembrance of Things Past, and/or (C) Naked Lunch? What the hell were they supposed to be about?
· Does it bother you that your work often inspires me to masturbate?
· Do you support a war in Iraq?
· Was that character based on you?
· Was that character based on me?
· Have you read my novel? (If not, I have a copy right here.)
· Have you read my weblog?
· Boxers or briefs?
· Is French cinema/the Russian novel/ theater dead?
· Do I look fat in these pants?
· Do you know how fat you look in those pants?
· Do you even have an editor?
· Do you consider yourself a black/gay/feminist/Jewish/American/Asian/differently abled writer?
· Have you ever had sex with a minor?
· Salman Rushdie: bald. Please discuss.
· Why write books when you can make so much more money writing screenplays?
· Do you find it ironic that after writing Christine, Stephen King was nearly killed by a car? If you were in his shoes, would you now regret having written Cujo?
· Is the novel possible after 9/11?
· GoBots or Transformers? Defend your answer.
· What's Oprah really like?
· Jonathan Franzen: brilliant or big fucking prick?
· What is the role of the writer in the war against terror?
· Where does Dave Barry get all those hilarious ideas?
· I first discovered your work in junior high. My parents were getting divorced and it was an incredibly difficult time for me. Then, my little brother was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma and my family didn't have medical insurance. I think all of these things contributed to the fact that I didn't enter puberty until several years after my friends, and you can imagine how frustrating that was. Anyway, I credit your writing with getting me through that incredibly difficult period, and I thank you for simply being alive. My question is: How do you like Seattle?