Film

Red Dawn: Total Garbage!

Red Dawn: Total Garbage!
  • comments (4)
  • Print

It’s no secret that we’re living in an age of garbage cinema, but the Red Dawn remake is the garbage-iest garbage movie I’ve seen in a while. It’s a remake of a (let’s be honest) mostly boring ’80s movie that only did one thing brilliantly: It played on the anti-Russian panic that had been instilled into teenagers by authority figures. Without even the zeitgeist in its favor, the remake is left with not much of anything. (The villains were filmed as a Chinese invading army, but digitally transformed in postproduction to a much-less-believable North Korean army for fear of losing money in the lucrative Chinese media market. This sounds like a more plausible plot for a Red Dawn remake than the movie we’re given.)

Chris Hemsworth plays a Marine who leads a small militia of Spokane teenagers against the invaders. Even he can’t muster the charm he’s shown in The Avengers or The Cabin in the Woods; there’s nothing for him to work with here. The direction is inept. Every fight scene is a blur of ineptly edited camouflage. The actors are all too old for their parts, and thanks to inept production values, they occasionally look like worn-out gray-skinned 80-year-olds. All the cocaine in the world doesn’t excuse this awful mess of a thing. recommended

 

Comments (4) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
1
No comment on how it's a patriotic movie which at the same time glamorizes the tactics of insurgents such as IEDs?
Posted by Hanoumatoi on November 22, 2012 at 2:21 PM · Report this
2
Are you paying attention, North Korea? 'cuz this movie is like a documentary of exactly what will happen if you ever try to invade Spokane. Our patriot partisans will fucks you up for reals!!! Wolverines!!!!
Posted by Centrists Rule the World today on November 23, 2012 at 5:43 AM · Report this
3
So the nearly without any sort of industrial resource base at all Army of North Korea - an impoverished technically inferior country of 24 million people - expects to hold the wealthiest continent of North America from its 300 million (mostly armed) residents?

HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHA HA!

This version, it's a comedy, right?
Posted by tkc on November 26, 2012 at 11:55 AM · Report this
4
The film's producer Trip Vinson stated, "We were initially very reluctant to make any changes, but after careful consideration we constructed a way to make a scarier, smarter and more dangerous Red Dawn that we believe improves the movie."
LOL
Posted by aiff on December 2, 2012 at 1:32 AM · Report this

Add a comment