A Name without Shameby Wm.â„¢ Steven Humphrey

How many times have you said to yourself, "O, this cursed gonorrhea! How shall I ever appear in public again?" Well, the cold hard scientific facts say you've got plenty of company. Close to 13 million people are affected by venereal diseases every year--which means (don't look now) that person sitting right next to you probably has a dripping cootie (okay, now you can look).

So, if that many people have the pee-pee crud, then why are we so embarrassed? One thing that doesn't help is the names that our learned men of science give to STDs. They're fucking disgusting! Herpes scabies chancroid brrrrr! It makes my skin crawl just thinking about them. However! If we were to simply change the ill-fitting monikers of these diseases, not only would we remove some of the shame but maybe, just maybe, we might save some lives.

Therefore! Here are some brand new names for the most common STDs, along with sample sentences to show how they can be used in everyday street lingo.