TIGHT BROS FROM WAY BACK WHEN are the kind of rock band that takes you higher, higher baby. Whatever kicking out the jams is, that's what they do. They don't give a shit about style. In a rock scene where practically every band has some shtick, the Tight Bros go for that same-shirt-I've-been-wearing-all-day look. If you saw them walking down the street, you'd probably yell, "Get a job!" But come time to rock, who cares what they're wearing? No one's quite sure about the source of the Tight Bros' risqué charm. Singer Jared Warren was in the psyche-destroying Karp, but who knew he possessed such a stirring falsetto and unique skill with the maracas? Guys and girls go apeshit for Jon and Dave's dynamic guitar greatness. Bass player Sean Kelly is the heartthrob, and drummer Justin is the horse-tranquilizer-guzzlin' drummer. But no one, save perhaps some brilliant behind-the-scenes puppet-master-slash-manager, knows for sure what their secret is.

You can wait until April, when Kill Rock Stars puts out the Bros' debut LP, Runnin' In My Bones, or you can just get with it and go to their shows. You might have to get your clothes dry-cleaned or go to the chiropractor with "show neck" afterward, but you won't be disappointed. Hey--it's just the price you pay to ROCK! Let's check in with Tight Bros guitarist Jon Quittner and bassist Sean Kelly for some rock and roll etiquette lessons.

THE STRANGER: You're in Guitar Center. A man with a poodle perm approaches you. What do you do?

SEAN: Get on one knee, smile as big as you can, and point at him.

JON: Or try to convince him to be in your promo shot.

You finally get a gig at CBGB, but it's fifth on the bill and you start at 2:00 a.m. Is it worth it?

JON: No! You clearly explain: Do you know who the fuck I am?

Telecaster or Stratocaster?

JON: Strat!

SEAN: Neither.

You get to the gig and find out it's sponsored by Budweiser, and the Bud Girls will be there handing out free stickers. What now?

JON: I don't know what a gig is.

Your drummer just took a horse tranquilizer. What's the game plan?

SEAN: Business as usual! Just take the speed out of his right pocket to revive him.

What percentage of the lyrics to "Stairway to Heaven" do you know?

JON: 100 percent! All of them. You don't necessarily have to print that, but I know all of them.

What percentage do you understand?

JON: All of them!

SEAN: So what's a bustle in your hedgerow?

JON: That's the May Queen! It says in the song. "If there's a bustle in your hedgerow/Don't be alarmed/It's just a spring clean for the May Queen." It's the pagan forces of nature. You know, like, Jimmy Page is a curly-eyed pagan, isn't he?

Who'd be more fun on a date? Joan Jett or Rob Halford?

JON: Joan!

SEAN: Joan Jett!

JON: No, wait. I'd pal around with either of them. Here's the thing: Halford seems like a really nice man, but he's kinda right-wing and into Desert Storm and stuff.

Who do you go to a heavy metal concert with--your girlfriend or your buddies?

JON: I never had a choice, as I never had either.

SEAN: If it's Dokken, the chicks. If it's Metallica, the bros.

If there's a rock and roll heaven--who is in your favorite dead rock band?

JON: The guy from Canned Heat, definitely.

SEAN: Rob Tyner. Darby Crash. And on drums? Keith Moon.

JON: Okay, we've got Keith Moon and three singers.

SEAN: I can't think of any bass players who have died.

JON: Yah! The bass player from Skynyrd lived!

Which would you rather suffer through--a drum clinic or a Christian metal concert?

JON: I've done both and I loved them both. But at a Christian metal show, at least I'd be entertained the entire time.

What was the first thing Kiss did wrong?

SEAN: Well, they got bad at Destroyer, but what was it?

JON: "Then She Kissed Me."

SEAN: They sold out to kindergartners.

Which rockers are you certain have signed a pact with Satan?

JON: Jerry Garcia.

SEAN: Keith Richards.

JON: Keith Richards and Jimmy Page are tight bros with Kenneth Anger.

SEAN: David Bowie.

JON: No way. Jon Bon Jovi.

SEAN: Did you just say what I think you said?

JON: I think Jon Bon Jovi's got plenty of talent in that New Jersey way.

SEAN: I just heard Jon Quittner say that Jon Bon Jovi has real talent. He's signed a pact with Satan!