I was browsing the Planned Parenthood website and something totally surprised me. In their birth control (BC) section, they quote the percentage of women who get pregnant during the first year of using a particular method. The interesting part: The breastfeeding method (mothers who are full-time breastfeeding, havenât had a period, less than six months after labor) has a 2 percent BC failure rate for âtypical useâ (Wikipedia echoes PP on this one), while condoms have a 15 percent failure rate! (The âtypicalâ condom user appears to be reluctant to put it on when the box says you shouldâwith âperfectâ use the rate goes down to 2 percent.)
Breastfeeding method better than condoms?! Theyâve got to be kidding me! In my largely breastfeeding home country, doctors hammer it into womenâs heads that breastfeeding as a BC method is a myth. PP says you are not supposed to use the method...
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I was browsing the Planned Parenthood website and something totally surprised me. In their birth control (BC) section, they quote the percentage of women who get pregnant during the first year of using a particular method. The interesting part: The breastfeeding method (mothers who are full-time breastfeeding, havenât had a period, less than six months after labor) has a 2 percent BC failure rate for âtypical useâ (Wikipedia echoes PP on this one), while condoms have a 15 percent failure rate! (The âtypicalâ condom user appears to be reluctant to put it on when the box says you shouldâwith âperfectâ use the rate goes down to 2 percent.)
Breastfeeding method better than condoms?! Theyâve got to be kidding me! In my largely breastfeeding home country, doctors hammer it into womenâs heads that breastfeeding as a BC method is a myth. PP says you are not supposed to use the method if you have had a periodâbut I would think the first ovulation happens before the first period, not after, and thatâs when the unsuspecting new mother would get into trouble.
Plus, it would seem all too easy for her to miss her first period, with all that post-labor stuff that comes out. Supposedly the method works due to the fact that âcontinuous breastfeeding⌠stimulates the hormone prolactinâ which âcan postpone ovulationââbut then how is it possible that so many women get their periods while they are breastfeeding? To top it off, I even know somebody for whom this method failed. So, maybe it works sometimes, but a 2 percent failure rate sounds ridiculously low. Because of how their failure rates are defined, can this low value just be due to the fact that new mothers have sex much less often than other women? If so, these low failure rates are misleading for those who actually try to rely on it (I never would).
So maybe you could you sort out all this breastfeeding business, Mr. Savage, the Wise One, for the purposes of public education? If it ever comes to it, please sign meâŚ
What The Fuck
MARLA: WTF, those stats arenât only on Planned Parenthoodâs website, they are published in smarty-pants medical journals like the Lancet; so I think they are right. Iâve spent my career as a sex-ed and health educator, used to manage a Planned Parenthood clinic, and am a big proponent of condoms to protect against sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. But because of lame sex ed, there are lots of people using condoms who donât use them correctly. The biggest reason for the 15 percent failure rate for condoms is that âtypical useâ includes people not using them every time. Itâs also true that old condoms that have sat in a guyâs wallet for months can and do sometimes break.
In contrast, with continuous breastfeeding (AKA the Lactational Amenorrhea Method or LAM) thereâs a hungry crying baby to remind you to breastfeed every few hours, which is one reason pregnancy rates for âtypicalâ and âperfectâ use of this method are so similar and so low. Also, women have to discontinue this method as soon as they begin menstruating again, so theyâve got a red flag (literally) when itâs no longer going to be effective. The method is only recommended for the first six months after childbirth. How many parents of an infant have any time or energy for sex in the first six months after childbirth is an interesting question that I donât know if these studies answered.
STEVE: Maybe weâll punt to the Wise One whether there are studies out there of pregnancy rates in new moms using LAM versus those using condoms, which would take into account frequency of sexual activity. We didnât find any, but weâre not getting paid the big bucks.
DAN: And I am? Is that what you mean to imply, Steve? Well, itâs true, I amâand Iâd like to keep it that way, thanks very much, so Iâm thinking no more auctions. You guys are making me look like a total fucking slacker. That response earned you both an A, and frankly, Iâm starting to sweat a little. Knock it off, will you?
My wife and I were married for five years before I left her. She claimed to be a sexual person, frequently told me how attracted she was to me, and we both fully enjoyed all the other great things about our relationship, including mutual respect and great conversation. The problem: She rarely showed that claimed attraction to me. The pressures of an unfulfilling sex life (and numerous failed attempts to correct the problem) eventually became too much and I left, fully realizing why I should have never married her in the first place.
So then I was a 30-year-old, healthy, intelligent, good-looking, financially stable, socially comfortable bachelor in a huge city surrounded by single women. Perfect, right? Not really. This is where it gets weird. I have an uncanny ability to attract women who claim to be âvery sexual,â profess how attracted they are to me, and want to make out a lot, but stop short of actual sex, much less the uninhibited exploration Iâd love to get. The most obvious explanation would be that I somehow scare them away by moving too fast, but Iâm very aware of my impact on others and I really donât think I come across that way. Iâm not a slut; I must be attracted to someone and trust her before Iâll have sex with her. Iâm talking about weeks and weeks of dating without these âvery sexual,â liberal, thirtysomethings removing more than their shirts. Iâm very comfortable with sex, been told over and over again that Iâm a great kisser, and Iâm surrounded by âinterestedâ cuties, but itâs been five months since Iâve had so much as a blowjob. Iâm very good at connecting with them through conversationâconversation that can last for hours. So hereâs my question: Is it possible that by fulfilling the emotional and intellectual needs of women too well, Iâm hurting my chances at fantastic sex? Why would the 30-year-old liberal crowd be so guarded about having a good time in bed? What am I missing here? Do nice guys finish last even in their 30s?
Learning About Sexy Teasers
STEVE: Hmmm, what do all these encounters with lots of different âinterested, very sexual womenâ have in common, besides a failure to get past second base? You. So if you want to generalize about liberal women in their 30s, you canât say they donât want to have sex, just that they donât want to have sex with you. Why? Iâm guessing that your âlong fulfilling conversationâ shtick doesnât work as well as you keep hoping it will. Itâs time to try a different approach.
MARLA: Right, you donât really want great conversations anyway, which you had with your ex-wife whom you left to get more nookie. No, you want to get laid and your dates probably see right through your âIâm intellectually and emotionally deep, so let me get in your pantsâ act. I think thatâs the problem, not your theory that women are soooo satisfied by their emotional connection with you that they donât need/want to have sex. Lemme clue you in: If a woman finds her dateâs conversation stimulating, sheâs moreânot lessâlikely to want other stimulation from him, too.
Honestly, I donât really want you to get laid, but Iâll offer advice anyway. Youâll boost your odds if you relax and have a good time instead of working so hard to demonstrate your sensitivity and conversational prowess. Toward the end of fun date number three or four, say âIâd love for you to stay over tonight if youâd like to,â instead of spending hours in a coffeehouse talking about the time you cried when your first dog died, or whatever else you think women want to hear. Whether she answers yes or no, itâll save you both time.
DAN: Okay, thatâs it. A+, well done, both barrels, you totally douchebagged that douchebag. But this column is over! No more auctions! Itâs making me look bad!
But, hey, letâs hear it for Marla and Steveâthey fed the homeless and made me look like a useless tool in the process! Priceless!