"The hardest part is wearing all my sexy Sandpiper gear. I have to wear the ugliest work shirt in the world. And all the bums from the waterfront park come in and hassle me. I get lots of unwanted marriage proposals."

What are you doing for Valentine's Day?

"I usually don't celebrate Valentine's Day, because it's kind of lame. It's a made-up holiday. But I'll be hanging out with my boyfriend, I guess. But my fake boyfriend John, my gay friend, wants me to watch him and my real boyfriend, Randy, in a Celebrity Death Match fight. I might do that."

How long have you and Randy been going out?

"Two years, on and off."

What was the off about?

"He's dumb. I think it's his hobby to break up with me and sleep with other people."

Ever been tied up?

"No. I would tie up my boyfriend, though."

What's the best way to pick up a barista?

"Leave a big tip. Baristas remember people who leave big tips, like five bucks. But if someone were trying to pick me up, he should ask me to go watch the 5:00 Simpsons with him."

What's the most annoying thing a person can ask you to make?

"A split-shot Americano with lots of cream."

Honorable mention: Molly at Perkengruven.