WHEN HE CANCELED Seattle's New Year's Eve Party at the Space Needle, Mayor Paul Schell claimed he was only being sensitive to the needs and wants of Seattle's citizens. According to our mayor, people move to Seattle because it's safe and dull. Unlike, say, New York City -- where every citizen dreams of being murdered by Islamic extremists -- people come to Seattle specifically to avoid dying in a terrorist attack. We're boring people, averse to risk, unwilling to hazard being blown to bits in the Seattle Center Food Court.

Schell is wrong! Dead wrong! Seattle residents are a lusty bunch of borderline psychotics willing to risk everything for -- gosh, just for a tasty piece of ass! Our proof? The Stranger's Annual Sex Survey. Every year our readers dutifully fill out our sex survey and prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Seattle ain't no place for wimps. It's a hard-driving, hard-drinking, twat-licking, butt-fucking, drug-taking town, and if Paul Schell can't stand it, well, he should run for mayor some place nice and quiet, like Tacoma or East St. Louis.

You know the drill: Fill out the sex survey (on paper or online), send it in, and we'll publish the results in our annual Valentine's Day issue. Besides proving to the mayor that this town is full of lusty risk-takers, you could win a prize! One lucky respondent chosen at random will win dinner with Dan Savage and David Schmader at Ruth's Chris Steak House, and if you play your cards right, Dan and Dave -- Seattle's most lovable homosexuals -- will accompany you to Tubs on Roosevelt for an after-dinner soak. (To be eligible for the dinner, you must include an address and daytime phone number. To be eligible for an after-dinner soak, you must be clean and well-groomed.)

Take the Online Survey