Ever been to an ultra-swanky party just to get the finger food? That quick-hitting luxury meat item on a toothpick, or olives with some sort of cheese you can't pronounce. That's Hunx and His Punx—they're that tray of sexed and sweaty punk you want. The 12 songs on their Hardly Art–released album Street Punk have a total run time of 20 minutes—"Everyone's a Pussy (Fuck You Dude)" clocks in at 30 seconds, and "Don't Call Me Fabulous" is even shorter. One or two chews, tops, are all these songs need. Or just swallow them whole! Singer/crotch-model Seth Bogart is quick smart, screamy, and raunchy with proteins. The Kelly O Stranger Awards Committee previously bestowed him with the Gayest Punk Rocker the World Has Ever Seen title. Together with his Oakland-/LA-based Punx, Shannon Shaw (of Shannon and the Clams) and Erin Emslie, they make beautiful and lewd punk rock music. Fast, funny, insolent, and untamed—just like it should be. Bogart spoke from his home in LA. He was about to go to the beach.

Have you picked out your sleek beachwear for the day? I'll just go with a Speedo. I like nude beaches, but they don't have those here. My beach Speedo is kind of boring. It's still a million degrees here.

Do you ever get into the Euro-thong look? You would dominate the Euro-thong. Would I?

Absolutely. Look at yourself! Oh yeah. I'm looking at myself right now since you said that.

What do you think about the Russian government's stance against gays in the Olympics? It's crazy. And it's too bad, because Russian guys are like so hot.

Vladimir Putin seems very gay and closeted. I agree.

Which Olympic event would you compete in? Would you protest? Some kind of wrestling. I'd dress up like Pussy Riot and throw out thongs and go to jail for a million years.

I love "You Think You're Tough" off Street Punk. Shannon's vocals are a combo of Stevie Nicks and Pylon. She sounds good, doesn't she? It's weird, when we're both singing in practice, we sound the same. But she gets more sassy than I ever could at the end. It reminds me of Danzig, the way she sings. I love Pylon, they're the best. Glenn Danzig lives near me. His house is scary.

Do you ever see Danzig walking around? Don't ever take pictures of him buying cat food. He'll kick your ass. He works out. And he has a five-inch wiener. I saw Henry Rollins at the Kathleen Hanna concert. He was cool, but his hair was weird—the back was lumpy. I have this problem when I drink and see a celebrity: I say their name really loud in their face [laughs]. He was waiting at valet, and I was like, "HENRY!!" Then we were at a party, and I saw Moby, and yelled "MOBY!!" in his face. He was weird. I was at Chateau Marmont and wanted to do it so bad to Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez, but my friend wouldn't let me because we were at some dumb Katy Perry party.

Did you know Chateau Marmont is haunted by John Belushi? But he's a good ghost. It seems haunted. I think my house is haunted. My boyfriend and I were doing it, and afterward, a pair of shorts were sitting next to us. Then the other day, I was making breakfast, and I turned around, and the most giant knife in the house was sitting out on the table.

Do you get into the Halloween thing? I get more into haunted events—haunted houses and stuff like that. I'm seeing Elvira perform tonight. I have a character I dress up as sometimes called Gayracula, a really faggy Dracula.

What was it like working with producer Facundo Bermudez on the album? What is something he did to dial you in or help you get a take? We call him Cundo. He's recorded so many LA punk bands, so I think he understands it. We actually just went to record demos with him one day, and then realized at the end of the day that we'd recorded like half our album. We liked the way it sounded, so we kept it. Shannon and I don't live in the same town, so we don't have that much time to do stuff. That's why the album is short [laughs]. I would go up to Oakland every month because I was a hairdresser there. I don't do that anymore, which is cool. I was back and forth for a while, and Shannon would come down here to record. We did the album in LA in a couple of days.

What makes Facundo an effective producer? He's the best. I think he did the new No Age album, but I haven't heard it. He'll tell you when he thinks something doesn't sound good and offer another possible way to sing it. I think when someone will stop you and suggest something better, that's when they're good. I've always tried to work with people who I like and respect, so I trust them. We did one song in Oakland with this dummy, and it was so stupid.

What made you all choose to cover the Beastie Boys song "Egg Raid on Mojo"? Well, I love to egg people. I don't know, Shannon just suggested it. That Beastie Boys record is so punk and cool. I think it's appropriate because they're bratty sounding.

Teen angst is a Street Punk theme. I was going to ask what things you did as a teen that were angsty. But you answered my question. Give us some egging tips. I did, I egged people. I was kind of a weird teen. I did all that stuff. I went to jail for spray-painting. I would get totally wasted and steal everything. I was bratty. I lived by a college, and we'd sit on the roof and throw water balloons as students rode their bikes by. We egged our neighbor and wore Safeway bags on our heads, like that would hide us. I've egged my own place to make myself look not guilty [laughs]. My advice is to not just throw a single egg. Get two or three friends, and have at least three to seven eggs going at your target, if not the whole carton. The idea is to ruin the person's life.

Who directed your video trilogy for "Bad Skin," "Everyone's a Pussy (Fuck You Dude)," and "Don't Call Me Fabulous"? My friend Cali Thornhill-Dewitt directed. He's a really great artist who lives in LA. It was a collaboration of ideas between us. We filmed it all in one day, and then did a separate shoot of me breaking stuff. That's Cundo in the video, wearing a beard and wig disguise.

Are you still doing your homemade TV show Hollywood Nailz? We haven't worked on that in a while. But we made up a game on tour where we blindfold someone and then everyone makes out with them. Then you say who was best and guess who it was. Then we were joking and saying that instead of making out with the blindfolded person, you come on their face. And they guess who it was. They go, "I think that was Beth" [laughs]. That's the direction Hollywood Nailz is going.

How would you characterize your come? How would people be able to guess it's you? Whoever eats asparagus is gonna be obvious. Mine is sweet 'cause I eat pineapple all the time. Asparagus is so gross.

If you were hosting The View, and the first item of discussion was Denver omelets, what would you say about Denver omelets? Eggs are nasty, but they involve eggs, and I like to throw eggs. What the fuck is a Denver omelet? Why does Denver get its own omelet? I only eat doughnuts.

Fuck Denver omelets. Fuck Denver. Yeah. Denver is weird. Everyone there always tries to rape us when we go there.

Next topic: Hayao Miyazaki's Howl's Moving Castle. I don't know what that is, but I don't like it.

Tranquil, calming, animation—a house that walks around, metaphor for the afterlife. Next topic: Girls who work at Victoria's Secret. That store is terrible. When my friends make me go to the mall, it's the only girls' store I can't get down with. I'd rather be at Home Depot. You can always hook up with someone in the bathroom there.

Home Depot is sexier than Victoria's Secret? Oh my god, yes. Especially Hollywood Home Depot. There are so many hot Hollywood dads.

What is your type of dad? Like the sugar-dad dad? Young, hot, buff dads—a studly dad.

The studly dad who shops seven days a week at Home Depot, who buys very quality lumber. Actually, five days a week—he has to have time for me on the weekend. Only the top prime lumber, yeah. There's a place called the Wizard of Bras. If I were a girl, I'd shop for bras there.

Our last item of discussion is Cher. Cher is touring again. She looks like a weird blond alien. I kind of don't like her because she talked a bunch of shit about Miley Cyrus. She said Miley was an idiot. I can't stand all these older women, like Sinead O'Connor and Cher, telling Miley what to do, just because they're jealous that they're not the top controversial pop star anymore. I think Cher is an alien. She's like Death Becomes Her. I like the new Miley Cyrus. My friend Peggy made shoes for the video where they're wearing all the Michael Jordan uniforms. I like Miley's song "We Can't Stop." I like "Party in the USA. " I'm excited for Miley. And I like a lot of Hannah Montana songs.

Have you ever yelled "MILEY!" in Miley's face? I wish.

If you could yell the name of any star in the world in their face, who would it be? Britney, without a doubt. It's impossible to see her, though. But she's doing some Las Vegas concert, so I'm gonna go. I've seen her before. It was cool because we were on mushrooms.

What was seeing Britney Spears on mushrooms like? That's intense. It was the Circus tour, so it was really weird. She was like a dot, she was so far away. Then we couldn't find my car afterward [laughs].