THURSDAY DEC 26


Dalkey Archive Press

(BOOKS) Since 1984, Dalkey Archive Press has printed and reprinted books by talented authors who are not entirely obscure, but haven't received the attention they deserve. Ben Marcus' brilliant The Age of Wire and String, for example, is available from Dalkey's archive of 225 rare books. The archive also has an excellent selection of Eastern European novels and nonfiction books, the best of which are Josef Skvorecky's masterpiece The Engineer of Human Souls, Andrei Bitov's Pushkin House, and a new translation of Viktor Shklovsky's Third Factory. The average cost of Dalkey's books is about $13, but if you throw down $500 they'll ship you 100 books of your choice from their catalog. If your bookshelves are shabby, this is probably the fastest and cheapest way to make them smart. (www.dalkeyarchive.com.) CHARLES MUDEDE


FRIDAY DEC 27


The Vagina Monologues

(THEATER) Eve Ensler's hilarious and challenging ode to female genitalia is the best thing to happen to vaginas since the discovery of the G spot. If you've stupidly missed the play's previous stints in Seattle, here's your chance to catch up. Originally performed (quite brilliantly) by Ms. Ensler alone at a microphone, the latest production spreads the text around to a small handful of actresses, this week including Grammy-winning songstress Shawn Colvin--and next week, M*A*S*H's very own "Hot Lips," Loretta Swit! (Moore Theatre, 1932 Second Ave, 292-2787. $26-46. Thurs Dec 26 at 8 pm, Fri Dec 27 at 6:30 and 9:30 pm, Sat Dec 28 at 5 and 8 pm, Sun Dec 29 at 2 and 7 pm, Tues Dec 31 at 8 pm, Wed Jan 1 at 5 and 8 pm. Through Jan 5.) DAVID SCHMADER


SATURDAY DEC 28


ContemporaryArtProject

(ART) Here are the fruits of Linda Farris' experiment in group art-collecting: With money gathered from 18 members, Farris bought 33 works (mostly paintings) by such of-the-moment artists as Inka Essenhigh, Ghada Amer, Kim Dingle, and Justine Kurland. The content bounces from sexy feminist to socially conscious to sophisticated aesthetics; much of it is simply and satisfyingly big and voluptuous, the kind of grand gesture (whether you like it or not) we don't see around here very much. (Seattle Art Museum, 100 University St, 654-3100. Through April 6.) EMILY HALL


SUNDAY DEC 29


HappyPants!

(THEATER) Nothing makes the forced joy of the holiday season go down as easy as spiked eggnog like watching (and enjoying) the suffering of others. Scott Warrender's delightfully dark new musical is all about forced joy. When the performers of HappyPants! (an "Up with People"-type choir group) are obliged by a cursed promise to a dead clown to suffer through an endless small-town tour, their wonderfully orchestrated musical numbers become desperate pleas for help--hilarious, pained, sweet pleas for help. HappyPants! may very well be the funniest thing you see on stage this year. Ditch the office party and go before it closes. (Hunter Koch Productions at ACT Theatre, 700 Union St, 292-7676. $24.50-$29.50. Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 29.) GREGORY ZURA


MONDAY DEC 30


Cobra High, Hint Hint, the Dance Disaster Movement

(MUSIC) I told you I'd use every chance I could to sing the praises of our own Cobra High; here it comes again. The band's singer, bassist, and guitarist also play keyboards, and the word "driven" is essential when describing their hybrid sound. Their blend of prog rock, '70s rock, and a healthy measurement of smart, exhilarating experimental makes them outstanding up-and-comers in our local scene. Hint Hint also makes animated use of multiple keyboards, ensuring that this bill will be one of the more intense lineups for a long time to come. (Graceland, 109 Eastlake Ave E, 262-0482, 9:30 pm, $7.) KATHLEEN WILSON


TUESDAY DEC 31


Graceland Prom Nite

(HAPPY NEW YEAR!) I don't know why everyone's always complaining about New Year's. You get with your friends, you get a little booze--how can you possibly have a bad time? To make things a little more special, Graceland's throwing another prom, which I had a blast at with 50 other people this summer; I imagine it'll be that much more fun with that much more of a crowd. Les Savy Fav's gonna be flying from the rafters with Pretty Girls Make Graves and the Vells; fortune tellers and photo booths will litter the bar; and best of all, formal/festive dress is required, based on the theme of "any time period ever." Runner-up for my New Year's pick: Pho Bang at Re-bar. (Graceland, 109 Eastlake Ave E, 262-0482, $15 adv.) JENNIFER MAERZ


WEDNESDAY JAN 1


Go, Cooters!

(ROSE BOWL) To be honest, I'm not much of a football fan--at least, not until my home team starts kicking some serious ass. Then I become Fair Weather Fan #1, and God help the bastards who dare to challenge my new beloveds. This year, I'm all about the Cooters--WSU Cooters RULE!!! And I can't wait to see the mighty Cooters make mincemeat of whomever it is they're playing in today's Rose Bowl. Go, Cooters! (The Rose Bowl, broadcast live on ABC starting at 1:30 pm.) DAVID SCHMADER