1. Since a good portion of this issue of The Stranger was produced on April Fools' Day, is it possible that the news section is one big prank? Has The Stranger whimsically replaced it with an "obvious" section? It's the only explanation for this week's paper, which features another three pieces about a $15-an-hour minimum wage. There's also a STRANGER ELECTION CONTROL BOARD piece that's pro-tax and pro-public-transit—this is about as predictable as the sun rising in the east. Name one living actor who could successfully convey surprise at any of these news stories. Nicolas Cage? Jennifer Lawrence? Tom Hanks? Meryl Streep? If Philip Seymour Hoffman had not died earlier this year, do you think he could somehow pretend that he was surprised by The Stranger's predictable "news" section? Or is this outside the realm of human capability?

2. Out of respect for those whose lives have been shattered by the tragic landslide in Oso, let's all agree to ignore CHARLES MUDEDE's "think piece" about the disaster and BRENDAN KILEY's dilettantish survey of the lumber industry. This is not a question; it is merely a request for decency.

3. What is a 'Mo-Wave? Why do KELLY O and EMILY NOKES believe we should care? Are their inane little questionnaires supposed to inform us about 'Mo-Wave performers, rather than leaving us confused and mildly annoyed? What kind of an answer is this: "Champagne is my favorite drink and color," and how is it supposed to illuminate anything for readers?

4. In a review of a documentary about Anita Hill, DANIELLE HENDERSON fantasizes about "get[ting] in a time machine and murder[ing] every Republican senator in 1991." Is it still illegal to threaten the lives of elected officials, even if time travel is involved? Surely some of those senators are still alive? Did Henderson arrive at The Stranger with no sense of decorum, or was decorum quickly leached from her body on arrival?

5. DAN SAVAGE, who has been accused on multiple occasions of being hateful toward the trans community, takes a question involving a trans man and farms the answer out to a prominent trans activist. In your opinion, is this deferral wise of Savage, or is he merely trying to mask his loathing of an entire subset of people in order to keep his column as marketable as ever? Support your argument with textual evidence!