1. In this issue of The Stranger, DOMINIC HOLDEN and TRENT MOORMAN bemoan the stalling of Bertha, the deep-bore tunneling machine currently located underneath Seattle. Holden attempts to find someone to take the blame for Bertha's inaction—as though the largest drill in human history is going to run without a single hitch—and Moorman attempts to play the tunnel off for laughs. Meanwhile, in the art section, JEN GRAVES laments the impending destruction of some highway off-ramps that don't connect to anything. How is one infrastructure delay a boondoggle in the eyes of The Stranger, while another infrastructure delay—in the middle of a beautiful park, no less—is a "paradise," to use Graves's own word? Does anyone read this stuff before the paper goes to print?
2. Meanwhile, BETHANY JEAN CLEMENT visits a bar and restaurant that sounds loud—she lauds the soundtrack of "'70s classics—Led Zeppelin, Steve Miller, 'Free Bird'"—and she also reports that it's already crowded, and that it's located in a strip mall to boot. She describes this as "fun." This raises an important question: For whom, exactly, are Clement's reviews intended? The vast portion of Seattle's population that enjoys straining to hear and be heard while dining, after first standing in a parking lot to wait for a seat? What proportion of the Seattle population, exactly, do you think that is? Use a percentage. Extra credit: On a scale of 1 to 10—with 1 being deadly poison and 10 being ambrosia—how good does a "kimchi octopus pancake" sound to you? Feel free to use negative numbers.
3. In the music section, KELLY O recounts her first rock and roll concert, which was an Alice Cooper show at a drive-in movie theater. Unfortunately, if predictably, Kelly O's little piece of autobiography is dull as dirt, and furthermore, it's tied to a screening of a movie in Redmond Town Center, well outside The Stranger's purview. If you answered "yes" to the question proposed in item 1 above—that you do believe that an editor reads the contents of The Stranger prior to its publication—what, in your opinion, is wrong with that person?
4. In fact, imagine that you're The Stranger's editor. How much of this week's paper would you have allowed to see print? Use a percentage.