dir. Lasse Hallström
Opens Fri Dec 22 at Meridian 16, Guild 45th.
TODAY I'M NOT weak. The film critic in me has control over my emotions; it can and will repress my wolflike desire to fill this page with hungry words that praise (in greater and greater detail) the celestial beauty of Juliette Binoche, the lead actress of Chocolat. I will not describe her rippling lips, her cat-dark eyes, or the black mole that languishes on the left side of her neck, just behind the smooth upward curve of her cheek bone. Nor will I mention how amazing she looks in a simple red dress. None of this petty stuff will get in the way of my straightforward review, which will open with a detailed plot summary ("The movie is about a French village whose serenity is shattered by a mysterious woman who moves into town with her illegitimate daughter and opens a sexy chocolate store.") and then offer a little background ("It was filmed in England, based on a novel by Joanne Harris, and directed by Lasse Hallström--What's Eating Gilbert Grape, The Cider House Rules.").
Like all the great film reviews of our age, mine will state the truth ("The movie is unremarkable!") and then prove this truth ("For it has absolutely nothing new to offer: Yes, organized religion is oppressive; yes, uncouth village drunks beat their wives; yes, Gypsies love to play Duke Ellington's "Caravan" on their guitars. As for South America, of course it has many mysteries, and Europe, senescent and dreary Europe, has no mysteries at all. Finally, women are more spirited, more earthy, than men. These are not new themes. We have seen them in one form or another in movies ranging from Like Water for Chocolate to Pleasantville.").
Stranger Personals
But my criticism will not end on a negative note. It will have a few positive things to say about the cinematography, which is okay, except when Juliette Binoche enters the scene--at that moment something more than wonderful happens... but I will not get into that. I will stick to the review, give you the information, produce profound insights, because that, ladies and gentlemen, is the job of a film critic.
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