NEWS AMY JENNIGES on condominiums, ERICA C. BARNETT on campaign literature, ELI SANDERS on the U.S. Supreme Court—each of these stories is flimsy and laughable, but due to a lack of space, one piece will have to take the brunt of my scorn. JOSH FEIT reports the incredibly pressing story of the Seattle Weekly's parent company possibly being sold. If scientists could bottle the wattage produced by The Stranger's inferiority complex with its chief rival, they could solve the energy crisis. Seriously. PLUS: Police Beat

FEATURE The City of New OrleansIn the wake of the greatest natural disaster in American history, The Stranger has assembled some of its "sharpest" minds (ELI SANDERS, JOSH FEIT, CHARLES MUDEDE, and BRENDAN KILEY) and its leading dolts (DAN SAVAGE and BRADLEY STEINBACHER) to weigh in. Just why a meager—and more-often-than-not unreadable—weekly newspaper some 3,000 miles away from the calamity should presumptuously offer its opinions about said calamity, especially when its opinions are of the predictable "it's all Bush's fault" variety—and more importantly, why any intelligent person would expend energy reading such tripe—remains a mystery. Also a personal essay by New Orleans native ROBIN BELLINA.