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Text From South Lake Union

The Church of Secular Inertia

by Sherman Alexie

In South Lake Union, Kaufer's Religious Supplies, a Catholic-focused business, shares a parking lot with City Hardware. According to their websites, City Hardware opened in 2007, while Kaufer's opened their first store in Seattle in 1905. Yes, Kaufer's has been around for over a century and has stores in Seattle, Tacoma, and Spokane. And though I grew up Catholic and still attend mass on a highly irregular basis, I'd never heard of the store. Moreover, I had no idea that you can online order altar wines and breads (including a gluten-free wafer) for "your church or home."

That's awesome.

At City Hardware, you can print a coupon, bring it to the store, and collect a free jar grip opener.

Also pretty awesome.

But I don't plan on entering either store because I'm intimidated by physical and metaphysical tools. In high school, I once caught myself on fire during welding class. And I might burst into flames again if I walked into Kaufer's.

Maybe I'll just stand in the parking lot between the stores and start the Church of Secular Inertia. Or maybe I won't.