nickels: edgeplot / flickr; gun: dugbrown / wikimedia commons; dolphin: Keirn OConnor / flickr
Susan Hutchison

Secret Republican Susan Hutchison won handily in the King County executive race. She racked up more than 107,764 votes in the primary (the number as of press time, with more votes still to count)—a whopping 20,000-vote lead over Dow Constantine, who came in second place. But now that Hutchison and Constantine have advanced to the general election, Hutchison has a problem: The numbers aren't on her side for November. Hutchison's Democratic challengers—Ross Hunter, Fred Jarrett, Larry Phillips, and Constantine—collected 199,647 votes. In other words, if all the Democratic votes go to Constantine, he wins big. No wonder Hutchison doesn't want anyone to know she's a Republican. (Phillips is a close second for "biggest loser" in the King County executive race: He spent more money than anyone, mostly on those television ads with him wearing shades, and he came in fourth.) Jonah Spangenthal-Lee

Greg Nickels

Holy fucking shit: It's still hard to believe that four days after the primary, Mayor Greg Nickels stood in front of a crowd of reporters at City Hall, his voice shaking, and admitted defeat. Despite raising hundreds of thousands of dollars on the campaign trail—and slapping around Mike McGinn on his anti-tunnel message and unleashing an attack ad on Joe Mallahan—Nickels came in third, meaning he's not going on to the general election. True, he entered the race with comically low approval ratings, following a series of high-profile attacks on the nightlife industry, the deeply felt loss of the Sonics, and several screw-ups in the police and transportation departments under his watch. But he has a national profile, a reputation for being green, and big accomplishments under his (big) belt, like light rail. Nickels choking back tears as he conceded was the most surprising moment in Seattle politics in recent memory. Jonah Spangenthal-Lee

Public Safety

The two candidates for mayor, Mike McGinn and Joe Mallahan, have made their campaign platforms clear: McGinn wants to save us all from an expensive tunnel and Mallahan wants to "ideate" plans to run the city more like a business (or something). But, even though the police chief reports to the mayor, neither candidate appears to have studied a vital issue in a growing city with a rising crime rate: public safety. During The Stranger's endorsement interview, Mallahan seemed baffled by questions about cops, staring blankly when asked about the police department's sweeping 2007 nightlife raids, and later spitting out a generic answer about understaffing in the department. And McGinn has flatly refused to answer substantive questions about the city's gang plan. Mallahan has added several talking points about increased police hiring and gang-unit expansion to his repertoire, but both he and McGinn still seem woefully uninformed on public-safety issues. Jonah Spangenthal-Lee

The Ocean

Whomph, whomph, whomph... Sorry, just a second while I take this giant wad of plastic out of my mouth. What the fuck? Are you trying to kill me? It's not your fault the American Chemistry Council duped you. It spent $1.4 million on illogical mailers and misleading advertisements to make you believe that 20 cents per disposable bag is a nanny-state travesty. Well, guess what? I'm the ocean. I don't have $1.4 million. Now more plastic is going to flow into me and into my Great Pacific Garbage Patch—a Texas-sized whirlpool of plastic bits that get eaten by adorable sea creatures and poison them. I wish I could've run my own spendy campaign against the plastic industry. But sorry, I'm fresh out of sand dollars (because they fucking died of plastic poisoning, you dicks) recommended. The Ocean