The Introduction: This explains how Olivier Assayas and directors like Claire Denis and Chantal Akerman were commissioned by a French TV network to make films set in their teens. This series was called All the Boys and Girls in Their Time, and the film Assayas made, Cold Water, is considered by many critics to be the best in the series. I then describe the film's plot (which is about two doomed teenage lovers on the outskirts of Paris), and offer a detailed account of 1972, the year the movie is set in. This introduction concludes with some gratuitous gossip concerning Assayas' affair with Hong Kong actress Maggie Cheung.

Chapter One: "The Critic, the Actor, the Play Director, the Filmmaker." The first chapter opens with this quote from Shohei Imamura: "I was drinking saké. while writing the script." True, this quote has nothing to do with the actual content of the chapter, but what a great quote it is! I then give an overview of Olivier Assayas' formative years--family, friends, and education. After exploring the happy years he spent studying painting and literature at the Beaux Arts, I focus on the years he worked as a critic for Cahiers du Cinema. I conclude this biographical section, which is about 30 pages long, with a bold and possibly controversial statement: There are only four types of filmmakers. One, those who are actors (Orson Welles, Ron Howard); two, those who are theatrical directors (Sam Mendes, Neil LaBute); three, those who are pure filmmakers (Quentin Tarantino and Spike Lee); and four, those who are critics (Paul Schrader, François Truffaut, and, of course, Assayas). I then argue that critics tend to be the best filmmakers because they confront and attempt to solve the problems of cinematic art. Assayas is the best example of this because his films investigate the conflict between art and commercial filmmaking, and, in the case of Cold Water, the conflict between serious art (painting, literature) and popular art (American pop music).

Chapter Two: "The Pleasure of Observing the French" opens with this quote from Jamie Hook: "If American cinema is about construction, then French cinema is about observation." The chapter then launches into a discussion about why the French are so pleasing to watch. The French don't really need an organized plot; all they have to do is show French people doing ordinary things. In Cold Water, we enjoy looking at French youth exploring the cluttered spaces of a big department store, French youth in a literature class, French youth dealing with cops, French youth dealing with their parents. We also enjoy looking at the clothes they wear: their jackets, shoes, and sweaters. After discussing French posture, I go into depth about an important moment in Cold Water, when Virginie Ledoyen arrives at an insane asylum and has her clothes unpacked by a nurse. What makes this moment significant is that we get to see how the French fold and pack their clothes in a suitcase. (Do they put pants at the bottom and shirts on top? According to this film, shirts and sweaters are at the bottom and pants are on the top.) This chapter concludes with a story about how I missed an opportunity to visit Paris last year.

Chapter Three: "The Face of the French Actress." The last chapter opens with a quote from moi, Charles Mudede. "The things I love are: Russian novels, Zimbabwean newspapers, British mysteries, German directors, American crime thrillers, jazz pianists, basketball superstars, Japanese ghost stories, and French actresses. Let's talk about French actresses." This is the most complex chapter in the book, because it attempts the impossible: to decode the beauty of the French actress. Though several pages are committed to the beauty of Jeanne Moreau and Catherine Deneuve, most of the chapter examines the face of Cold Water's Virginie Ledoyen. To guide my comments and arguments, the chapter contains lots of moody stills from Cold Water, with a hundred pages dedicated to a photo that captures Virginie Ledoyen at the moment of opening her mouth (is it a smile or a sneer?). Both chapter and book then close with X-rated ruminations.