IN THE NEXT TWO WEEKS, SEATTLE City Councilmembers will debate Mark Sidran's proposals to crack down on clubs: his amendment to toughen club noise regulations and his proposed ordinance to regulate music and dancing as "added activities." Meanwhile, on June 16, U.S. District Judge John Coughenour will be hearing oral arguments on the constitutionality of the statute that makes the added activities ordinance possible.

Government proceedings aside, we all know the only thing that matters is television. So The Stranger was happy to be in the audience on Sunday June 12, when KOMO TV 4's Town Meeting--a cross between The NewsHour with Jim Lehrer and The Jerry Springer Show--taped a debate between City Attorney Sidran, a.k.a. Little Rudy, and Matthew Fox, omnipresent political operative with a minor in heavy metal guitar wizardry.

Fox, nervous at first, warmed up quickly as he turned questions from audience members and host Ken Schram into counter questions and winning sound bites. Asked, for example, if rattling windows in Pioneer Square should be acceptable to neighbors, Fox commented, to rollicking applause, that folks shouldn't move into Pioneer Square if they want peace and quiet.

Sidran, however, was no slouch. After recovering from the initial embarrassment of having his bald spot powdered by the make-up crew, he got his responsibility rap rolling--i.e., clubs should take responsibility for costs that are "clearly generated from their business"--and there was no budging him off point.

Afterward, Sidran told The Stranger he had "no idea" who won. We're not declaring a winner either, but we felt compelled to file this report from TV-Land.Both Sidran and Fox relied on the conventional sound bites of the club debate. Sidran ducked the racism charge by framing the issue as "conduct not color." And he vilified club owners, saying, "they make bucks while passing the buck." Fox was equally fine-tuned: "The law is written broadly, but will be enforced selectively.... When you legislate by anecdote you get the kind of demagoguery we're seeing now." Fox eventually won the sound bite war with the fresh line he saved for his closing remarks: "If I wanted to live in Bellevue I'd move to Bellevue, and if I wanted to live in a city run by Rudy Giuliani I'd move to New York."Surely, the producers of Town Meeting hold their breath every week, hoping for smart guests. And with the exception of the misguided property owner who had the odd idea that Sidran's added activities ordinance would be a great way to prevent people from pissing and shitting on his building--even though his building isn't close to any clubs--the audience was generally smart and witty. "Thank you, Mr. Sidran, for not letting me sit on the sidewalk today," quipped one young woman. The best piece of commentary came from a club owner, who recommended that Seattle mimic San Francisco and issue after-hours licenses as a compromise solution. The sly guest made it clear, though, that his suggestion was a pointed jab at Sidran's clamp-down mentality. "Instead of taking things away from the community," he said, "how about giving things to the community?"In addition to being a genuinely nice guy, Sidran certainly scored points for his theatrical sensibilities. He schlepped in a hand truck, weighed down with legal documents relating to club complaints, and set it ominously by the stage. The stack of files--correctly or not--dramatized the ogre of unruly clubs.According to Professor Fox, when it comes to holding businesses accountable for city livability, downtown officials have one philosophy for club owners (threatening them with constitutionally questionable police powers), and another philosophy for hotel developers like Marriott (allowing them to stray from original design guidelines on the project north of Pike Place Market). Now, the city council is scrambling to fight the wayward design which will screw up views of the Olympics and the waterfront.Sidran tried to dispel the notion that venues like the Kingdome are as bothersome to police and neighbors as noisy clubs. "No serious violence has been associated with the operation of the sports teams," he told incredulous audience members. His comments drew the evening's only round of boos.Town Meeting's producers urged each combatant to invite supporters. Both Sidran and Fox had their share of allies in the audience (although it's likely Fox's apparent comrades were simply Sidran's foes). Sidran, though, had the most surprising supporters: A hip looking youngster stood up and denounced Studio 420; an older black woman, Aunt Beatrice, spoke passionately about a nephew who had been murdered inside Iguana Cantina; and a Capitol Hill artsy type said club noise was driving him crazy. The best guest, however, was on Fox's side: 17-year-old Kendra Malia, a self-identified rockabilly fan who came in a red poodle skirt. One of her favorite rockabilly acts, Big Sandy, was playing the following weekend, and she didn't dig--thanks to the Teen Dance Ordinance--that she had to sneak in.Geoff Tate, the singer from QueensrĂżche, was in the audience, but had nothing lucid to say.