'HOMO FOR THE HOLIDAYS'
Just about a few years ago, a drag persona of note called Ben DeLaCreme (which, of course, is Française or whatever for Ben "OfTheCream") blew into Seattle like a small blast of wintry fresh faggotry from the frigid wilds of the far, far north (Chicago!). Here she plopped down her prodigious wig and spangle box and started performing in clubs and producing things starring her sassy, heavily lashed self. Among these things, an outré, tres-gay Xmess cabaret. Ms. OfTheCream (pardon my French) gathered actors and musicians and burlesque artistes and a ton of original content and a super-hot guy in his underwear and hoped it would all become a beloved annual "thing." So far, so good. DeLaCreme and company have got some heavyweight gay-focused and/or drag-driven holiday competition: The Dina, Ham for the Holidays, etc., but she's got the indispensable Jinkx Monsoon (who also appears in every show happening everywhere all the time and I'm fairly certain even a few that aren't) and the lovely Kitten LaRue and the delightful inanity of the Cherdonna and Lou Show and, of course, suuuuper-hottie underwear guy. So. That is all. Odd Fellows Hall, West Hall, 8 pm, $20 adv/$25 DOS, all ages.
DICKSLAP
Dickslap is a filthy fucking mess that will make you want to have a sex baby in your face mouth. (Make a Christmas wish, Timmy!) The Eagle, 10 pm, $5, 21+.
BLESS THE CLUELESS '80s
Please to stay in tonight (brrr—it's cold!) and watch the '80s holiday classic "Do They Know It's Christmas?" on YouTube. DO THEY KNOW HOW SMUG AND RACIST THIS SHIT IS... AT ALL?! Listen to the lyrics: "There won't be SNOW in AFRICA this Christmas... the greatest gift THEY'LL get this year is LIFE... Tonight, thank god it's THEM instead of YOU." It's like Michele Bachmann campaign notes set to Andrew Lloyd Webber. I'm totally obsessed with it! It just keeps getting better and worse and better and worse—forever! I'm hyperventilating. It might actually kill me. LOOK AT GEORGE MICHAEL! HE'S A PUDGY MONKEY WITH A PEROXIDE-FRIED DISH SCRUBBY ON HIS HEAD! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh, '80s: so hilariously naive. YouTube, anytime, free.
