EVERYTHING ELECTRIC

Have you been to the Electric Tea Garden yet? Oh, how very delightful it is—all hidden away in plain sight in that weird building on Pike Street. Tonight is its big every-Thursday electronic dancefest, featuring some of the best DJs to ever J a D: Riff-Raff, JT Hooker, Alea Mahoney, and Anton Bomb spinning the spinningest mixes of house, drum 'n' bass, techno, and something called "dubstep," which confuses me. Electric Tea Garden, 10 pm, free, 21+.

'COOL YULE'

I am going to step out of character for just a moment and tell you to go see the Seattle "Men's" Chorus' holiday show, which is something I usually never do because (a) I've been furious at them ever since they took the "Gay" out of their name a million years ago (find me ONE even slightly straight dude in that flaming mob, I double dog dare you—JUST ONE!) and (b) the whole thing is like some kind of real-life Glee for adult fags AND I'M RATHER FUCKING JEALOUS ABOUT IT. (I'm so glad to finally get that off my chest.) But I'm going to let all that slide this year BECAUSE, that's why, so. It's called "Cool Yule" (oh! That's another good reason—ugh) and it features a swing band, lots of holiday choral classics that pretty much remain classics (they leave the naughtying-up of old standards to drag queens in other shows elsewhere, mostly), and the full force of a large group of tuxedoed fags with enough vibrato between them to knock a team of reindeer right outta the frozen sky. Benaroya Hall, 8 pm, $27–$77, all ages.

XMESS

Ho, ho, hooooomosexuals! Well, here the hell it is. Xmess! As you read this, I am "home" (as it were) visiting "Mommy" (hi, Mom!), but I am thinking of YOU, gay Seattle, and how wonderful you are, and how I do love you so, and what a delightful year we've shared. Merriest of Xmesses, fags and dykes, et al.! Merry Xmess a whole lot!