FRIDAY 7/27

PEE-WEE PARKS IT IN CAL ANDERSON

If the fucking rain tries to ruin this event, I am going to shoot the sky in the face. The fucking rain, the sky's face, and everyone else on earth knows damn good and well that Pee-wee's Big Adventure is my All-Time-Favorite-Movie-Ever, and I just don't play around about that shit. Tonight, Three Dollar Bill Cinema presents an in-the-park showing of this all-time classic (the passion! The drama! The unfettered sex appeal!) preceded, naturally enough, by 12hr Notice and the fabulous "Shopping Cart Sound System." So bring a blanket to sit on, get there early, and groove a little bit. Southeast corner of Cal Anderson Park, movie starts 8:30 pm–ish, free (donations appreciated), all ages.

I CAN HEAR YOU... BUT I'M NOT LISTENING

If it DOES end up raining (I'M WARNING YOU, WEATHER!), or you're just incurably indoorsy, do this: Jennifer Jasper and her adorable lisp have been cherished things in Seattle's fringier (and gayer) theater scene for going on—Holy She-Jesus!—three decades. Tonight we share in her singular delightfulness with her new show: part standup, part unscripted storytelling, all Jasper. Theater Off Jackson, 8 pm, $15 adv/$18 DOS, all ages.

SATURDAY 7/28

CUB SCOUT WEEKEND

Oh, Cub Scouts! Scouting—both "Boy" and "Cub" sorts—is the gold standard of wholesome 'Mericun childhood traditions. Have I ever shared my most poignant Cub and/or Boy Scout experiences? Such high jinks! The campouts! The literal and figurative weenie roasts! The jolly sing-alongs; the psychological torture; the camp counselor who begged me to "spread my cheeks and sit on it"; the two best friends in my troop who murdered their entire families, chopped them into bits, stuffed said bits into cupboards and mattresses, then stole a car and headed for Canada... um, ALL THESE THINGS ARE TRUE. (Stop looking at me in that tone of voice.) Tonight Nark and the Eagle and Jackie Hell and DJ Victor Rodriguez from LA help to re-create the true blue 'Mericun nightmare, just for you. Be afraid. Seriously. The Eagle, 10 pm–3 am, $5, 21+.