THE EAGLE'S BIG 3-2

I love the Eagle. It's true! And so, of course, do you. But let's face hard facts: The Eagle is getting old. SO damn old. (SO old!) Like, gumming your Jell-O, whoops-I-crapped-my-pants old. Not as old as Neighbours, perhaps (nobody even knows how old that dank cave is anymore—it was open before the printing press, and there are no survivors), or R Place, maybe (I really have no clue how old it is, but, baby, it's ooooold). But 32 is pretty old for dogs and gay bars, and that's how old this old dawg of a gay bar is. It began life, of course, as a leathery leather bar of the most goodly and proper sort: crammed full of trussed-up daddies looking to lube-wrestle on the pool table. (Does the infamous blowjob chair on the top floor even still exist? Meet me there later and find out!) In recent years, it has become the dizzy, drunken go-to bar for just about every queer on the block—the grizzled and beary, the fresh and twinky, the creative and quirky, the sloshed and slutty (even, oh my goodness, real biological girls!), and everything betwixt and between. Tonight is her birthday, and at 32, she doesn't look a day over 2,000. Let's celebrate! DJ Nark is putting it all together, of course, which is perfectly fitting, since his parties practically saved the place from sure extinction a while back. He's bringing us the famous JD Samson, who is famous for electro- feminist-punk band Le Tigre and leading the band MEN. Let us slosh a few drops of beer on the floor for Biggie and wish a happy birthday to Seattle's favorite pervy old hole! The Seattle Eagle, 9 pm–3 am, $5–$7, 21+.

BACON BITS WELCOME PARTY

Just what is going on with Bacon Strip, anyhow? The monthly dragstravaganza we have all grown to depend so much upon to get our monthly fill of pork, seminudity, and drag queens with beards has been bouncing around like an indecisive tranny suffering an ADD fit—from Re-bar to a (suspiciously short) stint at Chop Suey to... the Grill on Broadway? Yes. The Grill on Broadway. So much moving around is sure to raise a few plucked eyebrows, for sure, but I'm willing and eager to give the new Broadway Grill–ish incarnation a chance to dazzle me. How 'bout you? The Grill on Broadway, 10 pm, $5, 21+.