We are so busy this weekend! (Start chugging that Gatorade now, lady, or your liver is gonna petrify.) I think it's a nice idea to ease our way into it early with something calmer and lower-octane than we're generally accustomed to: How about a lovely book reading? How charming! How pointy-headed! How sexishly booky! A little literary prefunk to titillate our fagbrainz, starring a lovely new transplant from San Francisco who I'm just dying for you to meet: Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore, author of such winsome titles as Why Are Faggots So Afraid of Faggots? and Nobody Passes: Rejecting the Rules of Gender and Conformity. Mattilda is a gender-fucking tower of pure pulsing purple fabulous, and tonight she will read from her newest work, The End of San Francisco, which they are calling "part memoir, part elegy." Mattilda is a thrilling addition to our queer little pond. I can't wait! (Neither can you!) Elliott Bay Book Company, 7 pm, free, all ages.
TUCK THAT "T"
Speaking of gender-fucking fabulousness: It's time again for TUCK! Seattle's Drag Queen Renaissance continues in flagrante with the fourth installment of this new event, which encourages you to tuck your trouble (and your dick) and party, as a queen, with the queens! Ade, Jackie, Aleksa, Mama Tits, and Robbie Turner will not only perform for you, they'll help transform you, if you're willing. Are you ready? CAN YOU HANDLE THE "T"? Chop Suey, 9 pm, $10/$8 in drag, 21+.
JAKE SHEARS'S SMOOTH, HOT BUTT
This is the big one. When I say the name "Jake Shears," so much springs to mind. World-class armpits. An oft-tweeted ass that's smoother than glass with bubbly cheeks off of which you could bounce quarters. Some obscure band called Scissor Sisters or something. Tonight our friends Trouble and Rapture drag Ms. Shears from his nether-land of big gay fame and fortune to spin for you, flirt with you, and even share his underwear. It's been called the "don't-miss event of the month." I'm inclined to agree. Pits ahoy! Q Nightclub, 8 pm–4 am, free before 10 pm/$10 after, 18+ after 2 am.