SATURDAY 7/20

SEATTLE RED DRESS PARTY

No one knows how it all started, really, way back in the long-ago then. The strange and truthy truth of it has been lost forever in the misty sands of time. Of course we know that red dresses were unshakably mandatory from the word go, and that the party has always been intended to support those living with the HIV and the AIDS. We also know that Portland did it first (god damn it!), way back in 2001—and that today the party has grown huge and spread like some sort of benevolent lip-herpes to places like Sacramento and Chicago. But the specific whos and wheres are confused and/or forgotten. No matter: The now legendary Red Dress Party draws upwards of 2,000 people each year, is headlined by top-drawer talent, and has become a juggernaut of HIV/AIDS fundraisers.

I must shamefully confess that I have never attended a Red Dress Party—not here! Not anywhere!—because REASONS. These have mostly to do with OHMYGAWD! EWW! Me in a dress! (Rip your eyes out! RUN!) This is especially shameful since tonight's event marks its fifth year in Seattle, plus the annoying fact that I've had to listen to Portland friends drone on endlessly about how incredible they are for twice that long. But certain stars have aligned and events have conspired to force me to overcome my me-dressy- draggy-in-public reticence: (a) Pakio Galore, the brilliant costumer for Le Faux at Julia's who has dressed such nobodies as, oh, Jinkx Monsoon and Ben DeLaCreme (plus everybody else) is personally designing me a dress for the ages, and (b) Robbie Turner, Alexis Jordan, NeNe Leakes (a Real Housewife, don'tcha know!), Chi Chi Larue, DJ Richard J. Dalton, Gaysha Starr, Aleksa Manilla, Kitty Kitty Bang Bang, Jamie Von Stratton, Lou Henry Hoover... you get the picture.

Now, the event isn't what you'd call cheap by any means: Tickets start at $50 for general admission and shoot all the way to $350 for the über VIP package (but you get to meet that Real Housewife!). And far be it from me to prattle on about things like "good causes." But what you have to keep in mind is that this is one of the biggest, baddest geigh parties of the year, and then decide just how much those few extra shekels really mean to you. Are you willing to miss it? Are you ready to take that chance? No. I didn't think so. Fremont Studios, 9 pm, $50/$120 VIP/$350 Absolut VIP, 21+.