DREAM DATE SING-ALONG
Fucking Valentine's Day. I mean really. Again? Is this some kind of sick joke or something? Oh, life thinks it's just HILARIOUS. Doesn't it?
Well. Let's just rip off the Band-Aid.
If I have not been quite clear on the matter, I think Central Cinema is pretty damn swell—but damn swell enough to take the edge off this bullshit Hallmark-stinking excuse for a holiday? Yes, I suppose it's even as damn swell as all that. They really break it all out for Valentine's Day, let me tell you, with their Dream Date Sing-Along—their signature V-Day do. And this year? They are gaying the hell out of it good and proper by focusing on sexy, sexy HUNKS. Here's how it works: Jason Miller, Central Cinema's program director and occasional MC, hilariously hosts a seamless montage of music videos old and new featuring, for example, George Michael in his hot and denim-clad ass-wiggly phase (à la "Father Figure" and/or "Faith"), Justin Timberlake with his shirt off in the rain, boy-band ballads, love songs, that Bruno guy with the sexy 'fro, even that little Bieber turd-burglar we're all trying to get shipped back to Canada, and so forth. Then! Everybody orders way too much booze and food, sings along to the videos, and the rest is pretty much fait accompli. It's a loud, raucous, rollicking group karaoke! It sounds dreadful, I know. But, really! No such thing. There will even be surprises—last year, everyone got a stuffed animal (mine was an adorable red, white, and black teddy bear with cute little devil horns that I burned in a bonfire of rage much later). It's a perfect, drunken, singy way to quell the terrible sting of Cupid's arrow. Fucking Cupid. Central Cinema, 8 pm, $10 adv/$12 DOS, all ages.
Dan Savage. The man needs no introduction. But you are perhaps unfamiliar with his long and rancorous association with Valentine's Day? His old VD bashes are the stuff of legend—he used to take audience members' tokens of affection from doomed relationships and destroy them onstage (much like I did my cute little devil-bear—SO cathartic!). But this year, Dan is taking the kinder, gentler, less smashy/burny route of simply doing an extra-special VD live Savage Lovecast—this year's theme is Sex and Death (so Scorpio!), and he will be joined by the fascinating and fun Ask a Mortician columnist Caitlin Doughty. Your other option is to stay in and burn things. What's it gonna be? Neptune Theatre, 8 pm, $23, 21+.