GLORY BE TO THE HOLE
Among the freaks and weirdos we've got running around the mean streets of Capitol Hill (where the homos are jumpin' and the rents are too high) stands the inimitable, freaky weirdo known as Gary Gloryhole. You are familiar, of course. (You filthy pig.) Gary Gloryhole is the brainchild/next logical career step of one delightful Mr. Josh Hartvigson, a perverse local performer of some merit. Mr. Gloryhole makes frequent appearances at cabaret and variety shows about town, and can regularly be seen at Match Game every month at Re-bar. Also, he's hard to miss, as he's, um, a human glory hole. (We all know one.) Well, tonight is the night we celebrate all that is Gloreholian in this inspired, nasty gay bar event he's calling A Night of 1,000 Glory Holes! There will be Ade! And Anita Goodmann! And Gaydolf Hitler and DJ Pretty Baby! And if you wear a Gloryhole look-alike costume of your very own? (Whoops, I left mine at the cleaners...) Well. The best Gloryhole costume wins $50! How do people come up with this shit? Pony, 8 pm, free, 21+.
DICKSLAP, SURF 'N' TURF EDITION
Now, we've been to a lot of Dickslaps. And we've seen a lot of shit go down. (Too much? NEVER!) But I don't think any of us have ever seen some shit quite like this here. PREPARE YOUR SOUL! What we've got is not one, not 17, but two distinct Dickslaps this weekend. The first is happening on Friday at the Durty Burd, as usual. BUT WAIT! On Saturday, these clever little bastards are throwing another Dickslap on top of the first one (naughty), and this one takes place on the Islander yacht! A two-part, surf 'n' turf, boat-party DICKSLAP! And you know, gurl, how I love me some of that damn boat party. And so! Your path is clear: Get your dick slapped, on land and on water. That's really all there is to it. (Pro tips: Ginger prevents seasickness and condoms prevent many things, indeed.) Hosted by (pfffft!) "Shelita Potroast." Top drawer. Fri at the Eagle, 9 pm, $7–$10, 21+; Sat on the Islander yacht, 3–7 pm, $22, $21+.
VIVVYANNE FOREVERMORE GRACES CATHEDRAL III
While we are on the subject of fabulous freaks who roam these streets (weren't we just?), our friend Queen Mookie is DJing the shit out of this newish event at the even newisher Kremwerk. You know Mookie, yes? The DJ queen who resembles what would happen if a pile of pillows mated with a disco ball? And Kremwerk, right? The amazing new space right behind Re-bar? Right. Well, tonight is a great opportunity to pay a visit to them both, along with Yani Roberts and Amo A Nia, and special guest VivvyAnne ForeverMORE, who is big in San Francisco, I hear. This is the third installment of this fledgling drag/dance monthly event. Plus Ozma Otacava! I almost forgot. Kremwerk, 9 pm, $5, 21+. 
