A WORD ABOUT DINA MARTINA

Okay, 'mos. I bit my waggy little tongue and waited an entire week to feature that annual extravaganza of irrepressible holiday glee, the Dina Martina Christmas Show. In fact, I'd considered not mentioning it at all. The scandal! But ink is messy and trees are precious (hug one today!) and, I mean, come on now: It's not like you didn't know it was happening. It's as inevitable as winter snows, War on Christmases™, and blacking out after brunch—but of course far more magical than all three of these things combined! The problem is, I always recommend opening weekend, which always but ALWAYS sells out before the recommendation even hits the pavement (or the pixels), and this leads to frustration and untold sorrow. Never again, I say! So here, a week "late" (ahem): the Dina Martina Christmas Show! It's totally happening, 'mos! You have to see it! I won't bother trying to describe Dina (I broke my thesaurus on her ages ago)—you either know what you're getting yourself into or you don't. Either way, the result is the same: a wild and weird holiday confection that will leave your smile-face aching and your brain buzzing with the Xmessy whimsy of it all. Re-bar, 8 pm, $22 adv/$25 DOS, 21+, through Dec 31.

LICK AWAY

We live in fraught and perilous times. There are signs and there are wonders, and there are bars and rumors of bars—specifically, gay bars. Some of these are disappearing forever, others "relocating" (HA!), and even one or two new ones are said to be popping up. (Did you hear that the old Lobby location is supposed to remain gay somehow? Have you heard the whispers that Barboza is also turning gay? Most peculiar.) One of the saddest developments is our old friend Chop Suey, which has been officially up for sale since September (for only $99,950!) and has recently begun cancelling future events—including everyone's longtime favorite monthly queer dance-travaganza, Lick! Lick!'s nine years at Chop Suey have gone by in a blink, and tonight is our chance to dance Lick! into her grave to the singular spinnings of DJ Dewey Decimal and Mathematix, the stars of the party, who have been there since its birth. Mathematix encourage us to, "come celebrate 9 amazing years and relive all of your sweaty, queer memories." So farewell forever, sweet Lick! You will live on in our dancey, queer little hearts forever. Chop Suey, 9:30 pm, $5, 21+.