SERVICE YOUR LIPS
Tranny, tranny, tranny, tranny, TRANNY, damnit! TRANNY! I use the damn word, I LOVE the damn word, I love trannies, and I love words, and absurd finger-waggling sillies who get allegedly all "outraged" when someone on "GLEE" or whatever says "tranny" can just pucker up and suckle my deeply awesome ass. All homocentric epithets are compliments. All of them! Sweet tributes to our collective homo genius! Badges of gay glory! "Carpet muncher!" "Turd burglar!" "Mexican Ass Bandit!" And, yes, "TRANNY!" Beautiful! So the best policy, of course, should someone scream "FAGGOT!" at you on the street (or say TRANNY on fucking Glee), is to simply choose to hear "GORGEOUS MILLIONAIRE! I LOVE YOU!" instead, because that's what those words really mean in the greater scheme of things. And all this ass-suckling tranny-love and greater scheme–iness brings us somehow to our first event, Lip Service, a sexy new every-month thing that is sure to feature all of the above (even "Mexican Ass Bandits"? You bet!), the proverbial "more," and—hold on to your codpieces!—straight people! "It's a mixer for girls and boys, straight and gay and more," I'm told, but "of course there will be tons of gay boys, girls, boy/girls for your pleasure." Thank goodness! It's one of Nark's events, which are famous for intense scenes and dress-up themes, but this Nark party goes in a new direction: "No costumes, no pressure." I'm all for it. Baltic Room, 9 pm, $5 adv/$7 DOS, 21+.
THE DICSO EXPANDS
I once called Trouble Dicso "an awesome, dicso-rich adventure in dance-my-ass-offishness!" And you know what? I'm damn wise. Since I wrote those words, the Dicso has taken me on a boat, melted my eyeballs, strained my dance-bone with amazing (and amazingly hot) guest DJs, and become just about my favorite thing. And this Dicso features three Seattle DJ giants: Kid Hops, Masa, and the incomparable Seattle treasure that is Riz Rollins! Yes, that's the entire KEXP Expansions crew! Terry Trouble, who gave birth to the Dicso, assures us, "Masa almost never DJs live, and it's very rare to hear them together out of the studio." And they say it gets better? Ha! I really doubt it. Re-bar, 10 pm, $10, 21+.
