SEVEN YEARS, COMING AND BACKS

The swallows came back. (To Capistrano or wherever!) That damn cat came back. (The very next day!) That odd pimple came back. (On my scrotum, perhaps!) And... oops! I just came on your back! (YOU LOVED IT!) But nothing—NOTHING, DAMN YOU, I say!—even comes close to coming back like Comeback comes back, and tonight we celebrate Comeback's SEVENTH BIRTHDAY to prove it. For, lo, we've wended through these seven loooong and very weird years with but one true and reliable friend, one sole steadfast something we could count on: that every last Friday of every month would bring the sexy back. Seven years of drunken, spinning hotness! Seven years of music, sweat, and dazzling performances! Tonight's big anniversary event features, as always, DJ Porq (who is really Marcus Wilson, the twisted father of Pony, Ononos, Ursula Android, and so much more) and our old friend Colby B (who flies in monthly from NYC just for the event!), and they are to be joined by an avalanche of fabulous: The brilliant Ade and Ben DeLaCreme are your dueling hostesses, the House of Charlatan and the Guerrilla GoGos will sex you over, and Dee Jay Jack and El Toro (and more! But they are my favorites!) join Colby and Porq "on the decks" (as it were). Plus, cake! (I'm not touching that damn cake.) HAPPY BIRTHDAY, baby! Chop Suey, 9 pm, $7 before 11 pm, 21+.

A WHOLE NEW ROCKY

Please to note! There is a Brad and there is a Janet, but there is absolutely no "Picture" in this Rocky Horror Show—it is not played against the movie, nor is it merely a staged pastiche of it. While the basics are all there (Frank still builds himself a boy, I still want to put my stuff in Rocky's junk), this is an ambitious reworking of the indomitable classic, including (ooooh!) real NUDITY! (And please, God, let it be nude Rocky, not nude Riff Raff. Thank you. Over.) Dressing like the characters is, as always, encouraged, but please don't bring anything to squirt or throw—there's real junk at stake! Open Circle Theater, 7:30 pm, $18 adv/$20 DOS, 18+.