FRIDAY 4/1

DANCE, BILLY! DANCE!

Every time you don't see Billy Elliott: The Musical at the Paramount, a little British ballet-boy loses his spunk. We cannot let this happen. (At the risk of sounding like a complete pedo.) The drunken British mining town poverty! The repressed homosexual tendencies! It's like Christmas at the Ryan house, plus dancing. And please to forgive any and all fucking Elton John involvement in this production! (FUCK YOU, ELTON FUCKING JOHN. I FUCKING HATE YOU, FUCKING ELTON FUCKING JOHN!) Thank you. Paramount Theatre, 8 pm, $25–$130, all ages.

SATURDAY 4/2

DRAGGETY PIG BITS

If I don't rise once a month to remind you that Bacon Strip is happening again, I will surely be felled by an ancient and most terrible drag-queen curse. Uncontrollable eyelash growth? Check. Terminal damage to my lip-synching abilities? CHECK! In the shower or crossing the street, when I'm least expecting it —WHAM! Best not to risk it. This month's theme is "Bizarro." Re-bar, 10 pm, $8 in costume/$10, 21+.

SUNDAY 4/3

LADY RIZO!

Lady Rizo is the gay gold standard of the loungey chanteuse—a real lady (but not really), a real singer (really!), here all the way from NYC for ONO (one night only!). Can Can, 8 pm, $10–$20, 21+.