THE RETURN OF DANK

And, lo! It all began at the Comet, just a month ago. It spread from the Comet (as so many things do) to Portland (never heard of it) to San Francisco (way too heard of it) to Los Angeles (wouldn't it be lovely to have never heard of it?), even unto the dusty Lone Star insanity of Austin, Texas, like some sort of epic rash—a delicious, deeply stoned rash. The kind of rash you WANT running amok over your naughty and vulnerable parts. It blanketed those strange and unsuspecting places in the fluffy, skunk-scented techno sex dream that is Dank. Lisa Dank! And Nark! DJ Nark! The two combined their party powers, gathered up some pretty friends, and aimed themselves at the world. (Well, a tiny sliver of the world, and some crazy Tea Party hell widely known as Texas.) It was called the Dark Tour (Dank + Nark = DARK, geddit?!), and here's my favorite reported highlight from the adventure:

The bodacious Lady Dank (doubtlessly baked as a Pillsbury pound cake) got herself good and hassled by some good ol' Texas cops while innocently wheat-pasting Dark Tour flyers all over anything that couldn't defend itself. Was she in for it, and howdy! But luckily! She just happened to coincidentally (ahem) be carrying around the recent copy of The Stranger that just happened to have her picture on the cover, and, in a consummate display of "Do you know who I am?!"–ishness, she successfully dazzled her coply captors and escaped into the night!

Or maybe the Austin fuzz was just dazzled by her tits. (Epic.) Or somehow they got a contact high. (Also undoubtedly epic.) Whatever.

Wait. What?

Anyhoozits, the tour ends (kind of) officially tonight, with their 4/20 (GEDDIT!?!) Dankfest homecoming. Nark tells me: "The main highlight—besides the AMAZING and huge lineup, the giveaways and overall festivalness [weed-smoke-filled balloons perhaps??]—is that I'll be DJing, Lisa will be singing, the Secret Shoppers will be playing bass/keyboard/guitar, and Chichi and Chonga from Portland will be doing backup vocals. It should be a full-on wild ride!"

Full-on, indeed! It's the most fun you can have without an illegal prescription. 420 a plus.