March 20, 2003 · VOL. 12, NO. 27Given the imminent war with Iraq--a war that will most likely be under way by the time this issue is available to the general public--the prospect of reading and critiquing a paper as insipid and insignificant as The Stranger fills me with despair. After all, this is a paper that, outside of a handful of feeble attempts at intelligent analysis of serious matters (see Editor Dan Savage's dunderheaded rants on why the U.S. should invade Iraq), routinely squanders its weekly platform on such tiresome and childish pursuits as inebriation and attempted sexual conquest. Therefore, I can only offer the following critique of this week's paper: FRONT OF BOOK Letters: Didn't read.... Last Days: Didn't read.... NEWS Didn't read.... SHORT FEATURE Didn't read.... FEATURE Didn't read.... FILM Didn't read.... BOOKS Didn't read.... ART Didn't read.... THEATER Didn't read.... FOOD Didn't read.... MUSIC Didn't read.... ETC. It's My Party: Didn't read.... I Love TV: Didn't read.... Nightstand: Didn't read.... Control Tower: Didn't read.... Savage Love: Didn't read.... Celeb I Saw U: Didn't read. Perhaps I am neglecting my duties in doing this, but there are times when a nation and its citizens must turn away from trivial inanities toward serious, thoughtful contemplation. This is such a time, and as such who could read a paper like The Stranger? The paper that you, dear readers, should be ashamed for holding in your hands at this moment.