NEWS I don't know what's more embarrassing. On the one hand, we have the rudderless drunks afloat on this sad ship of fools that is The Stranger, a collection of semiliterate wastrels who seem to believe they are in a position to lecture other publications about the basics of journalism (never mind if they slur their words while doing so). And on the other hand, we have the Seattle Times, which seems to have recently committed a journalistic error so basic (and so piddlingly small) that even ANGELA VALDEZ can score a gotcha. Shame on all of you for being such easy targets. ALSO: Some further embarrassment from JASON SIMMS about a place called "the Wet Spot," a fitting subject for a page of newsprint that will be used exclusively for sopping up dog urine and soaking up the drool of sleeping bums. PLUS: From Slog, Police Beat, In Other News, and OlyIntel—in which JOSH FEIT changes course and tries explaining (rather than enacting) the definition of crazy.

SHORT FEATURE St. Valentine's Day Massacre Until now, I had suspected that even if this publication was, on the whole, completely repulsive and worthless, it at least provided a harmless forum in which a bunch of frustrated "writers" could vent their feelings of impotent rage. I see I was wrong and that one of them, ARI SPOOL, knows her way around a sledgehammer. I am now seeking a restraining order against her and I advise you do likewise.

FEATURE No and Hell No After spending so many years tiresomely ranting against the supposed "Culture of No" in this town, The Stranger runs a big opinion piece outlining its vision for solving the major civic infrastructure crisis of our time: the viaduct mess. The title of said piece? "No and Hell No." Dear reader (and I use the singular here because I pray there is only one of you left), by way of explanation I offer you two words and a letter: ERICA C. BARNETT. In further befuddlement: Ms. Barnett notes the complicated nature of the upcoming viaduct vote, but to get to this part of her story, one must first read through her opening paragraph, which in just two sentences manages to contain one long dash, two parenthetical clauses, and three enumerated subpoints. In other words, tout à fait impossible.