A CRITICAL OVERVIEW

by A. Birch Steen

Stranger Ombudsman & OSHA Board of Governors Member

With the year 2003 officially in the books, I have the unenviable task of looking back at the past 52 issues of The Stranger. Whereas most papers tend to grow and learn from mistakes in a year's time, The Stranger continues to make the same blunders over and over again, despite the scoldings delivered by myself and this publication's dwindling number of readers. And while there were certainly some high points for the paper, those few moments were outweighed by The Stranger's general ineptness as a publication. What follows is The Stranger's Year 2003 A Critical Overview, a complete breakdown of this paper's performance over the last year, beginning with: Vol. 12, No. 16 (Jan 2-8), which showed the paper beginning on a surprisingly solid footing with both an interesting, well-written feature ("Shut Down the Town," by Amy Jenniges) and a heartfelt eulogy to musician Joe Strummer. Shockingly, the year's next issue, Vol. 12, No. 17 (Jan 9-15), was almost equally solid, with writer Matthew Preusch (who is now with the New York Times) offering up an insightful investigation into a murder in Seattle's University District. Such highlights were not to stretch to The Stranger's next issue, however, for Vol. 12, No. 18 (Jan 16-22) was a fine example of the paper's idiocy. The chief complaint: a lengthy feature package on alcohol wherein Stranger writers drank to near incapacitation, then had their actions documented under the guise of a "scientific study." There was one bright spot to be found in the issue, though, and that bright spot was an intelligent essay by renowned writer Christopher Hitchens on the then-looming Iraq War. How did The Stranger manage to entice a writer such as Hitchens into its pages? The answer remains a mystery. Apparently, Mr. Hitchens saw his first copy of the paper after his piece appeared, as Stranger editors have failed to lure Mr. Hitchens into writing for them again. Vol. 12, No. 19 (Jan 23-29) offered the paper's 2003 Musicians' Directory, as well as a "humorous piece" by Bradley Steinbacher on the threat of North Korea. Both features were utterly useless. Also useless: the two features found in Vol. 12, No. 20 (Jan 30-Feb 5), one of which was a lengthy diatribe by Sean Nelson on "punk porn," the other a needlessly snide "eulogy" to the actress Nell Carter by Wm. Steven Humphrey. Perhaps most troubling about the issue, however, was the debut of a new column supposedly penned by an eight-year-old boy named Jerry Masterson, entitled "Teachers Are Fucked!" If written by an actual child, the piece was insolent. If written by an adult pretending to be a child, the piece was juvenile. Vol. 12, No. 21 (Feb 6-12) also contained a column by Jerry Masterson (this time called "Kissing Girls Is Fucked!"), but the issue was saved for the most part thanks to a thoughtful antiwar article by Ted Rall, which proved, among other things, that Stranger editor Dan Savage's rants in support of invading Iraq were supremely doltish. Vol. 12, No. 22 (Feb 13-19) brought the arrival of The Stranger's annual Valentine's Day Issue, which offered very little beyond pandering to the paper's readers, as it contained both free valentines and the results of The Stranger's "Seattle's Sexiest Citizens" poll. Isn't such blatant pandering to readers something The Stranger routinely slaps its competitor, the Seattle Weekly, for doing? Of course it is, but no matter--hypocrisy is one of The Stranger's strong suits, after all. Vol. 12, No. 23 (Feb 20-26) was notable for its spectacular meanness, as not only was there an offensive and inane diatribe by Neal Pollack on war/antiwar supporters, but a vicious attack by Stranger News Editor Josh Feit on local writer Sherman Alexie, and a rant against poets--all in one issue. Is it any wonder that people often think of The Stranger as an excessively mean-spirited publication? Vol. 12, No. 24 (Feb 27-March 5) is worth mentioning for the publication of a rebuttal by Sherman Alexie taking Josh Feit to task for his simplistic, feeble-minded attack against him in the previous issue. Speaking of feeble-minded: Vol. 12, No. 25 (March 6-12) found Stranger writers wrestling with the possibility that smoking would be banned in Seattle's bars and restaurants. Never mind that much of The Stranger's advertising revenue comes from tobacco companies, the most entertaining aspect of the feature package was the fact that the ban had already been voted down before the issue was published, rendering all the "hard work" by The Stranger's writers utterly meaningless. Vol. 12, No. 26 (March 13-19) offered a reversal of sorts for Dan Savage on his pro-war stance. Why "of sorts"? Because in true Stranger fashion, Mr. Savage appeared to admit a mistake when in reality said admittance was really just another attack/snide rant. Shoddy journalism means never having to admit you were wrong, evidently. There is very little to mention about Vol. 12, No. 27 (March 20-26) save for the return of a music column entitled "One-Night Stand" penned by Bradley Steinbacher. The column's return would not last long, however, making it yet another casualty in the paper's impressive string of failed columns. Vol. 12, No. 28 (March 27-April 2) found The Stranger in full Iraq War mode, as readers were given seven different articles on the subject. The best of the bunch: a smart piece penned by Emily White, former editor of The Stranger (a predecessor far superior to Dan Savage), on President George W. Bush's true reasons for engaging Iraq in battle. Vol. 12, No. 29 (April 3-9) was perhaps The Stranger's best issue of the year, for the paper took the surprising step of sending Eli Sanders to the Gaza Strip to report on the death of a local activist. The resulting piece was not just intelligent, but beautifully written. Unfortunately, the following week's paper, Vol. 12, No. 30 (April 10-16), failed to live up to the momentum offered by Mr. Sanders' splendid work, as it contained very little of note. Vol. 12, No. 31 (April 17-23), though, contained The Stranger's "Postwar Food Issue," which devoted itself to France and French cuisine, as well as yet another rant by editor Dan Savage attacking antiwar protesters. The food package was marginally entertaining; Savage's rant was entirely insipid. The final tally: a truly mediocre issue. On the topic of mediocrity: Vol. 12, No. 32 (April 24-30) had a decent feature--written by Sandeep Kaushik about a local Saudi Arabian teacher--that was unfortunately marred by a colossal production error (or so editor Dan Savage claims), which rendered a sizable portion of the piece completely unintelligible. Vol. 12, No. 33 (May 1-7) was a turning point for The Stranger as its obsession veered away from the Iraq War toward all things homosexual. What brought about this change? The publication of an article by David Schmader entitled "Sodomy Tour 2003," wherein the writer--who, to be sure, is the paper's most talented writer, if an avowed homosexual--traveled to four states that still outlawed sodomy. In these states, Mr. Schmader committed various homosexual acts with his longtime companion. The result was an entertaining (if filthy) article, but as we shall see, it foreshadowed a barrage of gay-obsessed articles (most of which would be written by Eli Sanders) in the coming months. Vol. 12, No. 34 (May 8-14) had as its feature a wonderful article by Emily Hall on local artists presenting their work in Los Angeles. Other than that, though, the rest of the issue was painfully dull. Vol. 12, No. 35 (May 15-21) featured a splendid article by Sandeep Kaushik on presidential candidate Howard Dean, as well as a decent piece by Sean Nelson on a local all-ages music venue. The result: one of the best issues of the year. Vol. 12, No. 36 (May 22-28) was The Stranger's annual special issue devoted to the Seattle International Film Festival. It also marked the last issue that Sean Nelson was the paper's film editor, a retirement that should have made Seattle's film lovers happy. Unfortunately, his replacement turned out to be an even worse choice: Bradley Steinbacher. Vol. 12, No. 37 (May 29-June 4) brought with it yet another installment of Charles Mudede's "Topography of Terror" series. The target this time: the Northgate shopping mall, which, according to Mudede, was home to a number of shocking crimes and attacks. Just why The Stranger believed attacking a shopping mall would be of any interest to its readers is unknown and perhaps unknowable, but judging from the scant letters the feature received, there is a distinct possibility that nobody actually read the piece. Vol. 12, No. 38 (June 5-11) featured the article "The Immoral Minority," which marked Eli Sanders' first diatribe against local AIDS organizations. As it turned out, the piece was merely a warning shot, for many, many similar pieces were to come in the following months. Also in the issue: the end of Kathleen Wilson's column "It's My Party" after a number of years. Vol. 12, No. 39 (June 12-18) contained as its centerpiece a lengthy, and fairly dull, article on drug decriminalization in Canada, as well as the beginning of Kathleen Wilson's new column entitled "Some Candy Talking," which, as it turned out, was pretty much the same product as her previous column. Vol. 12, No. 40 (June 19-25) had Sandeep Kaushik--the most intelligent writer of The Stranger's staff--following presidential candidate John Kerry on the campaign trail. Also in the issue: article #2 in Eli Sanders' crusade against local AIDS organizations, which blended perfectly into Vol. 12, No. 41 (June 26-July 2)--The Stranger's annual Queer Issue. Labeled "Appropriate This!", the package was centered around gay and lesbian writers insisting that heterosexuals begin taking the bad aspects of gay life along with the good. For the most part it was a good read, though pieces by Dan Savage and Christopher Frizzelle were fairly muddle-headed, and the issue also contained article #3 in Eli Sanders' rabid campaign against local AIDS organizations. In the Vol. 12, No. 42 (July 3-9) issue, The Stranger turned its back on its own country and instead celebrated America's Independence Day by turning the paper over to Canadian writers who dutifully trashed this beloved land of ours. As if this weren't bad enough, the issue also contained a diatribe by Dan Savage on the subject of homosexuality, helping to solidify 2003 as The Stranger's gayest year ever. Can one ostensibly "straight" paper possibly publish too many "gay" stories? Apparently not: Vol. 12, No. 43 (July 10-16) contained an article entitled "We're Not Getting Serious" by Eli Sanders about--gasp!--the blunders of the local AIDS organizations (article #4). There was content beyond the gays to be found, however, as the issue also offered a special pullout section on The Stranger's annual Capitol Hill Block Party event. Hysterically, though, said package failed to list the event's dates, so that The Stranger was essentially promoting an event without letting anyone know when it would take place. Nice work, ladies and gentlemen. The most exciting story to be found in Vol. 12, No. 44 (July 17-23) was an article by Amy Jenniges on a streetcar. The result: A coma washed over Seattle. However, Vol. 12, No. 45 (July 24-30) quickly made up for the previous week's dulldrums by unleashing a long, petty feature by Christopher Frizzelle attacking a local writers' group. Said group was rightly upset about the piece, and its complaints appeared in the following issue, Vol. 12, No. 46 (July 31-Aug 6)--an issue that also contained not only The Stranger's silliest feature of the year ("See Dick Run," by Erica C. Barnett) but article #5 in Eli Sanders' attacks against local AIDS organizations. The only thing worth mentioning about Vol. 12, No. 47 (Aug 7-13) is the fact that it marked Stranger Managing Editor/Food Writer Min Liao's final issue. A writer who never met a restaurant she didn't like, Ms. Liao wisely chose to leave The Stranger and pursue other interests in New York City. Vol. 12, No. 48 (Aug 14-20) not only had pleasant things to say about marijuana (no real surprise), but also contained article #6 in Eli Sanders' crusade against local AIDS organizations. One surprising piece placed the Stranger ahead of the curve in Vol. 12, No. 49 (Aug 21-27): a smart, chilling article by Christine Wenc on the dangers of mad cow disease. The following week, Vol. 12, No. 50 (Aug 28-Sept 3), was a solid, well-constructed issue devoted to Seattle's Bumbershoot festival. Unfortunately, though, The Stranger could not complete the hat trick of three good issues in a row, for Vol. 12, No. 51 (Sept 4-10) contained not only article #7 in Eli Sanders' crusade against local AIDS organizations, but The Stranger's election endorsements as well--endorsements that, predictably enough, would be widely ignored by Seattle's voting public. Vol. 12, No. 52 (Sept 11-17) was a decidedly dull affair (and therefore not worth mentioning), and the same can be said about Vol. 13, No. 1 (Sept 18-24), but Vol. 13, No. 2 (Sept 25-Oct 1) inspired much comment due to its being The Stranger's annual Back to School Guide, an issue that exists solely to corrupt and endanger young people. This year's theme was an "Alternative Student Handbook," and it featured articles encouraging students to partake of drugs, engage in sex, and cheat. In a word, it was a travesty. Speaking of travesties, Vol. 13, No. 3 (Oct 2-8) contained another column by Jerry Masterson ("Fourth Grade Is Fucked!"), as well as "advice" from Dan Savage to a local newspaper, the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, on how to improve its publication. A sampling of said sage advice from Mr. Savage: Put the word "fuck" on the cover. Is "young" Mr. Masterson's true identity revealed? The arrival of Vol. 13, No. 4 (Oct 9-15) brought the winners of The Stranger's First Annual Genius Awards--a nice event, even if it contained a largely self-promotional element--as well as article #8 in Eli Sanders' crusade against local AIDS organizations. Vol. 13, No. 5 (Oct 16-22) featured the obligatory wrap-up to The Stranger Genius Awards and little else worth mentioning. Vol. 13, No. 6 (Oct 23-29) did much damage with its feature story by Amy Jenniges entitled "Shithole" (wherein Ms. Jenniges declared the neighborhood of Capitol Hill a "shithole," much to the consternation of Capitol Hill merchants and businesses). Also included in the issue: article #9 in Eli Sanders' crusade against local AIDS organizations. When will it end? Vol. 13, No. 7 (Oct 30-Nov 5) was a shockingly pleasant read, featuring a well-researched article by Charles Mudede on a Canadian serial killer as well as a heartfelt and moving eulogy for Elliott Smith by Kathleen Wilson. Unfortunately, the following issue, Vol. 13, No. 8 (Nov 6-12), was little more than a petty whine, as The Stranger licked its wounds following the election debacle that exposed this paper's readers for the nonvoters they apparently are. The paper fumbled a major story in Vol. 13, No. 9 (Nov 13-19) as it covered the trial of Green River serial killer Gary Ridgway with a comic, and Vol. 13, No. 10 (Nov 20-26) continued the blundering with an issue eulogizing singer Courtney Love, who is still alive. (Also found in the issue, article #10 in Eli Sanders' crusade against local AIDS organizations.) Vol. 13, No. 11 (Nov 27-Dec 3) contained a rant by Dan Savage--who appears unable to write anything but a rant--that took people who dared to have complaints about the monorail to task. Vol. 13, No. 12 (Dec 4-10) was devoted to The Stranger's annual Strangercrombie Holiday Auction (about which further comment is unnecessary). Vol. 13, No. 13 (Dec 11-17) is notable only for a massive blunder, to wit: Somehow, The Stranger managed to print the same "Stranger Suggests" section two weeks in a row, with disastrous results. Vol. 13, No. 14 (Dec 18-24) was all about prostitution, which The Stranger has always been very vocal in encouraging. In an interesting twist, Vol. 13, No. 15 (Dec 25-31) was filled with regrets that Stranger writers had about their work in the past year, yet sadly the bulk of those regrets were not true regrets but instead more shallow, mean-spirited attacks on the paper's numerous enemies, real and imagined. And as for this issue, Vol. 13, No. 16 (Jan 1-7)--which, thankfully, will be the final issue of The Stranger that I will be forced to read, as I am resigning my post--I humbly offer this assessment: didn't read/skimmed/unable to find interest/unable to muster the courage to read/too gay.