NEWS Like little children who can be entertained by the same simple game over and over again, the news writers of The Stranger return this week for another round of city council gawking and autofellating. There is certainly something to be said for simple pleasures—whiskey neat, steak raw, the blissful sting of a new leather whip . But there is something alarming about the simple pleasures chosen by these people. What kind of adult is endlessly entertained, seven months prior to Election Day, by the "intrigue" of open city council seats? Ladies and gentlemen, I give you ERICA C. BARNETT, who will no doubt be playing her game of peek-a-pol until the day I can no longer lift my glass of rye. And then there is the matter of JOSH FEIT, whom I cannot forgive, ever, for many things, up to and including his column this week, titled "The Democratic Dictator," which aptly sums up his reign as news editor to date. The lone bright spot: JEN GRAVES, who brings not just good news from the art world, but also the ability, rare in this section, to write sentences that make sense. PLUS: In Others News, Police Beat, and Two from Slog.

SHORT FEATURE They're the TopsI believe I have spoken before on the matter of ADRIAN RYAN. And I believe what I said was: too gay. Since I have not been heard, I will repeat myself until my cry makes it through Mr. Savage's failing ears and into his syphilitic brain: too gay. Too gay. Too gay. Too gay. Too gay. Too gay. Too gay. Too gay. Too gay. Too gay. Too gay.

FEATURE Half RackJust when I was ready, once again, to tender my resignation, TRISHA READY redeems an issue otherwise bereft of value with a moving piece about her experience with cancer. I would only point out that in order to present a piece of this quality, Mr. Savage had to reach far beyond his current staff of incompetent drunks.