NEWS This week's "news" section begins with yet another exhausting article by ELI SANDERS, this one about a parade. Of gay people. Which may or may not continue to exist. Could anything be less relevant? Yes, actually, and ERICA C. BARNETT is here to tell us all about it. This week, after thousands upon thousands of words on the topic, she files yet another story on—wait for it—the viaduct. You could pave from here to Vancouver with the ink she has devoted to this subject. Or you could drown yourself in it. PLUS: In the Hall, OlyIntel, and Police Beat.

SHORT FEATURE Putting the Fall in the Fall of TroyAnother week, another entire page given to a local music act notable for their mastery of three whole chords. Seeing as this week the piece is penned by none other than MEGAN SELING, readers are encouraged to play a little game I like to call Count the Unnecessary Exclamation Points.

FEATURE Art School ConfidentialAny week featuring an article by JEN GRAVES—the lone grown-up on The Stranger's staff—is a week that finds my soul crushed a little bit less. After all, she's the only art critic in town who makes any sense. This week she files a portrait of Gage Academy of Art, an unaccredited institution where students learn things they don't learn in art school—like how to make art. Those who normally flip past the whining and/or dubiously researched scribbling of the features, take note.