NEWS The city's least relevant news section kicks off with a question posed by none other than ERICA C. BARNETT: Why is no one running against City Council Member Sally Clark? Indifference toward the electoral process is an unfortunate sign of the times—indifference toward Barnett's harebrained coverage is entirely justified. Who in their right minds would take this tripe seriously? Probably not even Sally Clark herself. ALSO: JONAH SPANGENTHAL-LEE reports on a local murder. Fitting, since his copy can best be described as a crime scene. PLUS: In the Hall, In Other Neighborhoods, CounterIntel, In Other News, and Police Beat.

SHORT FEATURE HUMP! 3Once again, the most puerile newspaper in America is gearing up to hold an amateur porn contest, wherein men and women of dubious mental capacity bare all for the "enjoyment" of others. Better them than the Stranger staff, whose bodies, if captured au naturel, would shatter the lens on the Hubble telescope.

FEATURE Pride 2010From the department of dead-horse kicking: Building on last week's word jumble (excuse me—"news story"), ELI SANDERS again investigates local homosexuals' pitiful inability to organize something as simple as an afternoon dedicated to their seedy kind parading the streets. (Like that doesn't happen every day.) The sinfully inclined will no doubt find much to squabble over; those of us who have read Leviticus, on the other hand, understand that they only reap what they sow.