NEWS It should be noted that this week's news lead, an almighty piffle of a story about petitioners, was penned by none other than one SARAH MIRK, an unpaid intern for the publication. Egads! Last I counted, there were four—count 'em, four!—news "reporters" on The Stranger staff, and yet none of them appears able to remove the bong and/or copulatory organ from their hands long enough to pen a story? For shame. ALSO: A rundown of last weekend's "controversial" Pride Parade (file under either "day late" or "dollar short"), an ungodly weepfest about cutbacks at a local hospital, and still more reporting on the 43rd District race, which no one outside The Stranger's comfy confines gives two licks about. PLUS: CounterIntel and Police Beat

FEATURE Human RemainsHaving been forced to swallow CHARLES MUDEDE's pseudo-intellectual rubbish for far too long now, I had to beg off reading his feature story this week. Needless to say, if Mr. Mudede's thoughts on crack addicts and, no doubt, their relation to Hegel, is at all appealing to you, give the piece a thorough read. And on a related note: What in God's name is the matter with you?