NEWS
This week's rather malnourished news section (thank goodness for small blessings) has but one extended article: SARAH MIRK, she of the former intern status (I expect The Stranger's janitorial staff will soon be given assignments), on a meeting to decide the fate of the 520 bridge. Please note that I labeled the article lengthy, not interesting. PLUS: In Other News, CounterIntel, and Police Beat

FEATURE: HUMP! 2
As if the last six pages of this rag weren't filthy enough, this week a few sex-obsessed Stranger writers—Is there any other kind? I am beginning to think not—fill this depraved paper's midsection with page after page of smutty advertorial content (excuse me, smutty editorial content) relating to HUMP! 2, The Stranger's second annual amateur-porn contest. While I cannot fathom why such an insult against good taste would last long enough to have a 2 appended to its silly little name, it does put me in mind of a maxim I picked up long ago while hanging out in Vegas with Billy Carter, Ron Jeremy, and Jeremy's wise father, Chaim Perelstein. To his young (but obviously infamy-destined) son, Mr. Perelstein used to say: My child, porn is not a sport for amateurs. Please make a note of this, WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY, CIENNA MADRID, MISTRESS MATISSE (if that is your real name), ADRIAN RYAN, and ELI SANDERS, and for the love of God, please also note: Writing is not a sport for amateurs either.