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The Stranger's 2009 Back to School Guide

The Things No One Else Will Tell You by the Only Newspaper in Seattle That Isn't Ridiculous and Irrelevant™

by Stranger Staff

It is time to become a person. You are so ready—except for not knowing certain things (which is perfectly natural!). Here at The Stranger, we have failed enough and been dickish enough (unintentionally! Always unintentionally!) that we are now in a position to help: You do not have to embarrass yourself in the same way that countless others have done before you. This is your Indispensable Guide to the Things No One Else Will Tell You by the Only Newspaper in Seattle That Isn't Ridiculous and Irrelevant.™ Using the following writings about the city, the world, sex, drugs, jobs, and sex as your guide, you can be sure to embarrass yourself only in new, creative, and heretofore unimagined ways—which may just be enough to get you sex, drugs, and jobs. And sex. You are going to be amazing.