HEY, YOU DIRTY BIRDIES!
The time has come once again for Stranger readers to look deep within their lusty souls (and underpants) and spill the beans in The Stranger's fifth annual Sex Survey! If you've done it, we wanna know about it. If you haven't done it, we wanna know why. And we wanna know everything by FRIDAY, JANUARY 19, so the masterminds at The Stranger's statistical laboratory can sludge through your filthy confessions and compile a complete sexual portrait of our sultry city for our illustrious Valentine's Day issue.
So grab your pencils, log on to your computers, and get busy! (Again, completed Sex Surveys are due by Friday, January 19.)
Â
THE BASICS
1. Sex: Male Female
2. Age:
3. Orientation: choose Bi Gay Lesbian Straight
4. Political Affiliation:
Democrat Republican Green Libertarian Independent Tory Other:
5. Religious Affiliation:
Atheist Agnostic Christian Jewish Buddhist Muslim Other:
6. Relationship Affiliation: choose Single and miserable Single and content Going steady Partnered/Married and content Partnered/Married and miserable
MATTERS OF HISTORICAL IMPORTANCE
7. I lost my virginity when I was  years old.
8. Losing my virginity was (check all that apply)
fucking rad, dude a relief just fine a blur a let-down a nightmare I wouldn't wish on Hitler help me Jesus, I'm still a virgin
9. Looking back at losing my virginity, I wish I had (check all that apply)
waited until I was older not waited so long been with someone else taken off my shoes had free use of all my limbs turned off Aerosmith remembered to breath through my mouth found her clit not gotten pregnant
10. Up to this point in my life, I have had sex with  people. (Sex = oral sex, anal intercourse, vaginal intercourse, and, yes, handjobs.)
11. Over the course of my life, I have had sex with (check all that apply)
a sibling a cousin a parent a minor a person of a different race a senior citizen an Oscar winner
12. What impact will George W. Bush being sworn in as our 43rd president have on sex lives?
None. It's going to be harder to get an abortion. It's going to be harder to get a blowjob in the Oval Office. Knowing that George W. Bush is president will act as a free-floating mood-spoiler, making it harder for me to enjoy myself. Knowing that George W. Bush doesn't approve of premarital or gay sex will make me that much likelier to engage in both as a form of protest.
13. The Gettysburg Address was delivered in the year
CURRENT EVENTS
14. I have sexual thoughts  times per day.
15. I masturbate  times per week.
16. I have sex  times per week.
YAY FOR TECHNOLOGY!
17. In the year 2000, I
cruised an Internet chat room misrepresented myself in an Internet chat room typed with one hand while diddling myself with the other got caught diddling myself at the computer by my partner wiped come off my keyboard and/or monitor made a real-time hook-up through an Internet chat room downloaded pornography sent someone my pic sent someone my naked pic sent someone a pic of some one else and claimed it was me used emoticons (for shame!);-)
18. If you misrepresented yourself in a chat room, please specify how:
Pretended to be female Pretended to be male Pretended to be well-hung Pretended to be disease-free Pretended to be slimmer than I am Pretended to be thoughtful and sincere Other:
YAY FOR PORNOGRAPHY!
19. In the year 2000, I
purchased pornography rented pornography appeared in pornography cruised porn on the web purchased a "crush" video worked for an Internet porn site was issued a rubber check by Seth Warshavsky
YAY FOR MORALITY!
20. In the year 2000, I
cheated on my significant other was cheated on by my significant other paid for sex was paid for sex mixed booze and sex mixed drugs and sex mixed booze, drugs, and sex slept with someone whose name I didn't know had sex with my ex had sex with a friend's ex had sex with a friend's current confessed after having sex with a friend's current got caught after having sex with a friend's current got caught while having sex with a friend's current faked an orgasm had sex with someone while he/she was unconscious
BOO FOR THIS SHIT!
21. In the year 2000, I
was raped raped someone was slipped a "roofie" slipped someone a "roofie" was stalked by someone stalked someone had sex I regretted afterward had sex I regretted during got HIV gave HIV
GETTIN' KINKY!
22. In the year 2000, I
purchased a sex toy purchased a sex toy that has to be plugged in had a three-way had a four-way had a more-way (specify: ) tied someone up had someone tie me up peed on someone had someone pee on me pooped on someone had someone poop on me wore one of those terrifying leather hoods engaged in blood sport engaged in electro-genital torture had sex in a sex club/bath- house had sex in a public park got arrested for having sex in a public park had sex at Tubs had sex in a moving car
23. My hottest fantasy is
24. I have acted on all my fantasies: Yes No
25. I have fantasies that wouldn't be ethical to act on: Yes No
26. I have fantasies that my partner doesn't know about: Yes No
27. I have cheated on my partner to realize a fantasy: Yes No
GETTIN' SICKLY!
28. During the year 2000, I got
crabs herpes chlamydia genital warts gonorrhea syphilis
29. During the year 2000, I gave someone
30. I have HIV, and in the year 2000, I
barebacked (top) someone who also has HIV was barebacked (bottom) by someone who also has HIV barebacked (top) someone who didn't have HIV was barebacked (bottom) by someone who didn't have HIV
31. Did you tell the people you barebacked in 2000 that you had HIV? Yes No
32. Do you have trouble sleeping at night? Yes No
33. Do you have health insurance? Yes No
34. Do the drugs work for you? Yes No
35. Did you go to the AIDS Walk? Yes No
KEEPIN' SLIM!
36. For birth control, I use
condoms the Pill a sponge an IUD butt sex homosexuality celibacy RU 486
RANDY ROUNDUP!
37. During the year 2000, I had sex with (check all that apply)
a blow-up doll a minor an arresting officer a member of a local news team a repairman/woman a Kozmo.com delivery person a person of a different race a differently abled person a fruit a vegetable a legume the aid of Viagra someone from work
BOYS 'N' GIRLS!
38. In the year 2000, I
gave a rim job got a rim job refused to give a requested rim job was refused a requested rim job
FINAL QUESTIONS!
39. Who is Seattle's sexiest male bartender? 40. Who is Seattle's sexiest female bartender? 41. Who is Seattle's sexiest waiter? 42. Who is Seattle's sexiest waitress? 43. Who is Seattle's sexiest male newscaster? 44. Who is Seattle's sexiest female newscaster? 45. Who is Seattle's sexiest male politician? 46. Who is Seattle's sexiest female politician? 47. Who is Seattle's sexiest university prof? 48. Who is Seattle's sexiest barista? 49. Who is Seattle's sexiest personal trainer? 50. Who is Seattle's sexiest retail clerk? 51. Who is Seattle's sexiest bus driver? 52. Who is Seattle's sexiest high school teacher? 53. Who is Seattle's sexiest high school student?
54. Would you rather have sex with
Britney Spears OR Christina Aguilera?
'N Sync OR the Backstreet Boys?
Ricky Martin OR Marc Anthony?
Christine Todd Whitman OR Condoleezza Rice?
Mickey Mouse OR Donald Duck?
Dave 'n' Dan OR Tamara?